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冻雪
胡恢宗
秀才


Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-05 19:46:35    Post subject: 冻雪 Reply with quote
冻 雪
含羞白羽隐形飘， 冻雨淫威满地刀。
应是天公疏职守， 兆丰瑞絮未曾邀。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-06 07:52:03    Post subject: Reply with quote
胡恢宗，这首诗是否采用新韵？
看网上新闻，国內不少地方出現凍雨或海冰，气候异常！
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2011-01-06 09:37:52    Post subject: Reply with quote
全球多处气候异常，人类生存环境堪忧。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-06 13:54:40    Post subject: Reply with quote
天公疏职守，瑞絮未曾邀，

出语轻松幽默，实有责天之意。
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2011-01-06 15:10:55    Post subject: Reply with quote
环境问题，主要是人类行为所致。在经济和社会发展的同时，没有注重自然环境的保护。
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胡恢宗
秀才


Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-07 01:17:51    Post subject: Reply with quote
感谢三位老师阅评。
我是误用了《词林正韵》，用新韵的困难，主要是不善于处理入声字。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-09 18:32:16    Post subject: Reply with quote
诗人道出了世人的担忧
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-10 20:17:22    Post subject: Reply with quote
应是天公疏职守

转得好啊: 一转出张力!
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秋叶
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Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-10 22:10:59    Post subject: Reply with quote
应是天公疏职守， 兆丰瑞絮未曾邀。

后二句最妙！
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-11 01:59:50    Post subject: Reply with quote
天也有不公哦！
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胡恢宗
秀才


Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2011-01-21 19:19:10    Post subject: Reply with quote
感谢四位老师的阅评。
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