胡恢宗
秀才
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564
胡恢宗Collection |
 Posted: 2010-12-16 02:35:25 Post subject: 冬阳 |
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冬 阳
暖曰融融分外亲，梅红松翠竹依人。
休言岁晚无生气，我道冬阳胜早春。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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影沉寒水
举人
Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-16 03:58:05 Post subject: |
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日曰不同
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诗无涯。思在线 |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-16 08:25:27 Post subject: |
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结句有"莫道夕阳短,为霞尚满天"之慨,好!
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++++++++++++++
喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
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胡恢宗
秀才
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564
胡恢宗Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-17 04:53:06 Post subject: |
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感谢阅评，向二位问好。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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白云闲人
探花
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466
白云闲人Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-18 15:53:39 Post subject: |
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梅红松翠竹依人，怡景冬阳胜早春 - 景色佳、心境好！
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山. |
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胡恢宗
秀才
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564
胡恢宗Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-18 18:52:24 Post subject: |
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感谢白云老师的指点。“我道”二字，不但多余，而且写成了叙述语，失去了余味。
故结句还是以老师改的“怡景冬阳胜早春”为隹。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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冰清
同进士出身
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921
冰清Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-18 19:43:10 Post subject: |
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梅红松翠竹依人
“竹依人”独特的感受，好! |
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2010-12-19 04:57:57 Post subject: |
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| 美景四季在，各处不相同。 |
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胡恢宗
秀才
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564
胡恢宗Collection |
| Posted: 2010-12-20 01:32:44 Post subject: |
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感谢冰清、庆宏老阅评并问好。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞 |
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