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小说点评 - 笑容永存心间
魏鵬展
秀才


Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Posts: 606
Location: Hong Kong 香港
魏鵬展Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-17 00:25:51    Post subject: 小说点评 - 笑容永存心间 Reply with quote

感人小故事:笑容永存心间
罗嘉诚(作者简介:在职。钟情画画、写作,把感觉和体会进驻图画文字世界中。)


 「哥哥、哥哥、哥哥呀……」听到妹妹在病房中叫喊,我却什么也做不成!「忍下吧!」我不敢大声回应,生怕妨碍护士替她清洗伤口。妹妹一向坚强,就算多痛也很少流泪,默默承受癌病带来的伤痛,这刻是唯一一次亦是最后一次听到她边哭边叫哥哥。
 我和妹妹从小就经常争执,有次因小事她被我搧了一耳光,泪水涌过赤红的掌痕,她哭着说听不到声音。一天,妹妹想跟我一块儿出街玩耍,而不想带妹妹的我就直奔门口,妹妹跟着我跑,我竟然故意扔掉门匙,待她拾起而追不上我。事过境迁,扪心自问千百个内疚,是我不懂珍惜因为那时我还拥有。
 直到妹妹患癌,才由敌人化成战友,共同跟病魔搏斗,最后虽输了生命,却尽赢兄妹情。每次探她总带些小玩意逗她欢喜,她最爱的是一个迷你卡通电筒,每晚漆黑的病房里,可爱卡通闪灯就在天花陪伴着我妹妹。有次推着轮椅到便利店买东西,我俩异口同声说跟小时候玩推车仔游戏没两样,还嚷着要我快点转弯到扭蛋机去。
 洗完伤口后妹妹就一直酣睡,天快亮了,她蓦然用右手紧握着我的食指,我双眼已迷糊,她却挂着一丝笑容离我们而去,而没有带走的是永恒烙在心坎中最可爱的笑容,就似和煦阳光永远使人温暖,每当我亮起小电筒时我总记起她送我的那份真挚。

魏鹏展评:此小说的精彩之处在于女孩情脉的刻划,又能透过疾病的悲剧结局,引起读者对女孩的同情。



魏鵬展flickr相集
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ngaipangchin
_________________
香港文學報《小說與詩》投稿方法+稿約、稿例、最新一期目錄:
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_60b7bcff01018dcp.html

魏鵬展是香港詩人、《小說與詩》主編、中文教師;微信(WeChat): npcjeffrey
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山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-17 22:46:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

几近纪实的小说——欣赏!
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诗是人生的雅伴儿。
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-25 07:26:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

罗嘉诚好像和李嘉诚是亲戚。
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每个诗人都很重要
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