Maple Review :: View topic - 《海阔天空》

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《海阔天空》

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迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2010-11-06 18:56:18 Post subject: 《海阔天空》

《海阔天空》 ·迪拜· 是谁，将笑对明日海阔天空有柔弱者踯躅前行而你上前紧紧搀扶你啊—— 是你，叫大地更为辽阔未来，就在今天奠基

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2010-11-08 17:07:25 Post subject:

嘿-山山岭岭，就是辽阔的年华而望不到边的大海，则是人类共同的家！ ——问好迪拜，遥祝冬安！！ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2010-11-08 20:18:57 Post subject:

谢谢老师！

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2010-11-09 09:48:57 Post subject:

而未来，就在今天奠基 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-11-09 11:03:12 Post subject:

而未来，就在今天奠基理性的诗句

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2010-11-14 05:53:50 Post subject:

问好迪拜先生，许久不见了。此首诗非常棒。 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2010-11-14 23:56:56 Post subject:

谢谢博弈！谢谢白水！谢谢上城！又做了一点改动。

晴宝儿
秀才

Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Posts: 666

晴宝儿Collection

Posted: 2010-11-15 04:44:07 Post subject:

而你上前紧紧搀扶那燃烧的，是血大气，豪壮，问好迪拜。 _________________ 晴宝儿

胡礼忠
童生

Joined: 14 Nov 2010
Posts: 90
Location: 中国
胡礼忠Collection

Posted: 2010-11-15 05:29:24 Post subject:

精悍诗美、拜读了！ _________________ 真诚结交诗友、文友；访良师益友于江湖五岳，其乐融融、止心若此！来而不往非礼也！

非马
秀才

Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection

Posted: 2010-11-15 06:21:55 Post subject:

喜读迪拜好诗.问好! _________________ 欢迎访问<非马艺术世界> http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2010-11-16 01:47:45 Post subject:

谢谢晴宝儿！谢谢胡礼忠！谢谢非马先生！

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2010-11-16 06:01:38 Post subject:

迪拜 wrote:

谢谢博弈！

谢谢白水！

谢谢上城！

又做了一点改动。

我觉得改过后，失了节奏。最后一句也没有必要说出来。
_________________
每个诗人都很重要

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2010-11-17 01:03:29 Post subject:

谢谢上城。自己也有同样感觉，连续高昂之后，猛的平了下来，似乎多余。改回，再看看。

菩虔
童生

Joined: 19 Nov 2010
Posts: 12

菩虔Collection

Posted: 2010-11-19 18:27:12 Post subject:

是谁，将笑对明日海阔天空有柔弱者踯躅前行而你上前紧紧搀扶 _________________ 禅心诗润，觅尽好诗、参悟人性之大美

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2010-11-19 18:45:29 Post subject:

你啊，是你叫大地更为辽阔多好，问好 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2010-11-21 00:34:39 Post subject:

谢谢菩虔！谢谢和平岛先生！

陈若祥
秀才

Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 470
Location: 中国*安徽
陈若祥Collection

Posted: 2010-11-21 00:58:43 Post subject:

呵呵！问好迪拜兄！读后余味犹存，意犹未尽，长些不更好吗？ _________________ ¤当树的叶子再次泛绿，繁华 ¤我们欣赏着一部与你我无关的电影 ¤看着春天悄悄地走来 ¤看着春天延伸在我们的脚下 ◆安徽凤鸣诗社◆http://blog.sina.com.cn/fmshishe

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2010-11-23 19:58:55 Post subject:

谢谢若祥！好久不见。这首只能短，长了，就没有力度了。

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2010-11-26 17:42:02 Post subject:

再改，加强了点语气。

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2010-11-27 15:12:25 Post subject:

很有意蕴的小诗。精品 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

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