Maple Review Home
   Chinese Literature Society of North America | Maple Review | Immigrants in Canada | Angel Studio | The Driftwood Artist Society | Ocean of Poetry | Island of Music
"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister  ProfileProfile    Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Sign inSign in   BlogsBlogs    Weblogs NewsWeblogs News   AlbumAlbum 
English Home Bilingual Home Chinese Home
Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音 Post new topic   Reply to topic
(原创)绝句一组-黄山观日出
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-05 01:15:23    Post subject: (原创)绝句一组-黄山观日出 Reply with quote

文/笑聊

(一)

寂寂山河睡,晨风晓雾情。

星辰孤月伴,只应等光明。





注:为观日出,导游让我们临晨二点半起来上山。汽车在山上蜿蜒而上。一路上抬头看到了弯弯月牙,稀松的几颗星星,眨着好奇的眼睛,注视着我们这群游人。(昨二号雨天,有点沮丧,总想看不到日出了)



(二)

瘦月清风伴晓星,水流山涧奏琴听。

为观奇迹云崖上,候赏晨空朗日升。(白云兄赐末句)





注:观日出,地点选在丹霞峰。



(三)

耸立天都指,莲花仿佛开。

声声佛号念,练达襟怀来。



注:天都,莲花二峰在丹霞峰右前侧。大自然鬼斧神工般的杰作,令人类自惭形秽。(佛,出律,不改)。





黄山风景





(四)

莲花缓缓开,摆尾座鳌来。

五色祥云至,梵音临颂台。





注:在等待日出时,仿佛看到莲花(峰)在缓缓开放,旁边螯鱼(峰)(观音坐骑)摇头摆尾而来,五色祥云随后而至,天空响起梵乐阵阵,灵台一片空明。



(五)

山峦寂静松风吼,海底呈来万国明。

骄子巡天民雀跃,一轮耀眼九州清。



黄山风景





注:清晨六点零二分,等待已久的那一刻总于来临。天际一轮红日跃出海底,顿时万民欢呼,迎接天之骄子御龙巡天!

可惜,图片不见了。有兴趣到我的博客中去看,真的美极了。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-05 06:52:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊,旅游回來了啦.你真懂得生活! 人生匆匆几十年光景,就应好好珍惜.有劳有逸,享受人生!
謝謝你旅游回来帶给我們那么多首美妙的诗篇.
特别欣赏第四首:
蓮花缓缓开,
摆尾座鳌來.
五色祥雲至,
梵音临頌台.
很美,很有意境,给人一种祥和、宁静、抒情!
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-05 07:02:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊,第二首的结句是否可以再斟酌一下,因"环球涌显明"这样的表述,略感拗口!
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2010-10-05 08:19:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄山景美,诗情相随。

笑聊兄旅游归来,心情大好。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-06 03:56:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云闲人 wrote:
笑聊,旅游回來了啦.你真懂得生活! 人生匆匆几十年光景,就应好好珍惜.有劳有逸,享受人生!
...


谢白云兄关怀!人生苦短,积极享受人生,有劳有逸。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-06 04:01:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云闲人 wrote:
笑聊,第二首的结句是否可以再斟酌一下,因"环球涌显明"这样的表述,略感拗口!


白云兄说的对,换成:只等环球日出明。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-06 04:05:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
黄山景美,诗情相随。

笑聊兄旅游归来,心情大好。


谢庆宏兄关怀鼓励!出去放松一下,心情确实大好。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-06 07:26:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊,第二首经修饰,暢順多了!
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-06 19:35:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云闲人 wrote:
笑聊,第二首经修饰,暢順多了!


问好白云兄!去黄山旅游,此次时间局促,(总共三天)。第一天路上,到达黄山时已下午三点多。雨中游了翡翠池。第二天上黄山,在山上待了一天,其中排队花去约五小时之多。(节日人多)一是过一线天(鳌鱼洞)花了二小时多,再有下山乘缆车,也是二小时多。只玩了排云亭,丹霞峰,光明顶,鳌鱼峰,莲花峰,(天都峰封山)玉屏峰等。稍后整理即发出共享。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-07 06:24:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

哗!仅排隊就花去5个小時,以后都不要选在节日期間去遊黄山!
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-08 04:48:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好白云兄!第二首末句改为:只等长空日出明。你看好吗?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-08 07:08:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊,我感觉这样写会更好: "侯赏晨空朗日昇". 供参攷.
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-10-09 04:07:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

白云闲人 wrote:
笑聊,我感觉这样写会更好: "侯赏晨空朗日昇". 供参攷.

白云兄,你这样写,更富诗意、意境更深远了。诚挚地谢谢!

另,白云兄,我得借用了。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Emoticons
Very Happy Smile Sad Surprised
Shocked Confused Cool Laughing
Mad Razz Embarassed Crying or Very sad
Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil Rolling Eyes Wink
Exclamation Question Idea Arrow
View more Emoticons
Page 1 of 1           View previous topic View next topic    
Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音    Post new topic   Reply to topic
Jump to:  


Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME