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大漠(外一首)
葛榛
童生


Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 7

葛榛Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-12 23:32:50    Post subject: 大漠(外一首) Reply with quote

大漠
那些挑战死亡的探秘者
淌过连蜥蜴都没去过的戈壁
在黄沙挥舞的间歇中渐渐远去

灰布僧衣的一个迷醉的道士
捧着一盏忽明忽暗的灯
在一群乌鸦的流声里悄悄走过

我不相信陈旧的经卷只可以当做柴火
单纯的天空中一个想飞天的女人
青青的衣袖在石壁上轻舞

静静地躺在天做的账蓬里
捡着一颗颗滑落的流星
把它们埋在沙子中

当红红的初日再一次升起
东方的魅力映着驼铃走来
满载一缕缕春风度过了玉门

刀客

当花儿业已开过
却又把你的脚步放逐
一个天涯的浪者
在大漠,找寻诗意的传说

当黄沙静静掠过
轻轻地诉说驼铃的落寞
达坂城的荒芜中
让瓦砾去感动,你曾经来过

你走过
你也不知道的楼兰古国
在那些白骨的站立中
亡者中的王者
守卫着古老的誓约

淌过一原夜色
你呼唤沉沙中的约定
冷冷的篝火
在纤云中明灭

泛滥的风悄悄走过
刻在沙子上的爱恋
在今夜
成为了传说

那把沉默的刀
划出一条河
载着一支红色羽毛
和流星一同滑落
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-02-12 23:48:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

大漠
很好

但可以把最后一节去掉:
当红红的初日再一次升起
东方的魅力映着驼铃走来
满载一缕缕春风度过了玉门
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葛榛
童生


Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 7

葛榛Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-13 04:22:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢评点!祝新年快乐!
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沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-13 04:54:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

初日摇着驼铃走来
载一缕缕春风度过了玉门 感觉可这样压一压:)
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葛榛
童生


Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 7

葛榛Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-28 02:51:49    Post subject: 多谢支持 Reply with quote

多谢指点,问好大家,谢谢!!!
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