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七律-仲春难将息
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-16 07:10:34    Post subject: 七律-仲春难将息 Reply with quote

七律-仲春难将息临屏依韵和七律•乍暖还寒三月间:
文/笑聊
三月仲春难将息,桃红柳绿艳阳天。
凡尘琐事不堪扰,美酒乾坤自在癫。
赋曲常因文太妙,填词更觉谱奇玄。
建安诸子谁为首,王谢堂前燕可怜。

匆匆草就,错误难免,敬请师友们拍砖。
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-16 07:43:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊妙詩!
艷陽天,自在癫;
文太妙,譜奇玄!
学习了!
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-16 17:50:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢白云兄雅评!
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影沉寒水
举人


Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-17 03:05:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢笑版临屏赐和
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诗无涯。思在线
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-20 23:47:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

朋友说,有地方可锤炼。

七律-仲春难将息临屏依韵和七律•乍暖还寒三月间:
文/笑聊
三月仲春难将息,阴晴冷暖刮风天。
凡尘琐事不堪扰,垂柳飞丝自在癫。
赋曲常因文太妙,填词更觉谱奇玄。
建安诸子谁为首,王谢堂前燕可怜。

觉得美酒与乾坤相去甚远,故改:垂柳飞丝
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-30 23:42:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

朋友说,有地方可锤炼。

七律-仲春难将息临屏依韵和七律•乍暖还寒三月间:
文/笑聊
三月仲春难将息,阴晴冷暖刮风天。
凡尘琐事不堪扰,垂柳飞丝自在癫。
赋曲常因文太妙,填词更觉谱奇玄。
建安诸子谁为首,王谢堂前燕可怜。

觉得美酒与乾坤相去甚远,故改:垂柳飞丝
原首联对句感觉太平,故改:阴晴冷暖刮风天。

请师友们指正!
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王国栋
秀才


Joined: 09 Jul 2010
Posts: 295
Location: 陕西西安
王国栋Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-11 05:15:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

颔联和颈联对仗很整齐,尾联起升华作用。
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文学是一棵树,我就是树上唱歌的小鸟。
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-11 05:23:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="王国栋"]颔联和颈联对仗很整齐,尾联起升华作用。[/quote]

谢贤弟鼓励、雅评!
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