昕阳一片
秀才
Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190
昕阳一片Collection |
 Posted: 2010-07-08 05:34:32 Post subject: 七律•咏月——步韵白居易《江楼夕望招客》 |
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七律•咏月
——步韵白居易《江楼夕望招客》
文/昕阳一片
汉浮抚宇渺茫茫,海漫天延似夕长.
山卧鲲鹏城侧畔,楼擎星盏水中央.
蛙鸣季夏声撕夜,月照田禾魄覆霜.
默默银辉随意泻,拟同幽涧比清凉.
注，季夏时，江南早稻已黄，在月下呈黄白的颜色。
2010-6-30 |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2010-07-08 06:43:44 Post subject: |
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从月光,月影,月色等多角度来吟月,更加生动形象了!
_________________
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
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笑聊
探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection |
| Posted: 2010-07-08 18:53:05 Post subject: |
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汉浮抚宇渺茫茫,海漫天延似夕长.
山卧鲲鹏城侧畔,楼擎星盏水中央.
蛙鸣季夏声撕夜,月照田禾魄覆霜.
默默银辉随意泻,拟同幽涧比清凉.
欣赏好诗!尤其尾联有余音饶梁。另，山卧鲲鹏城侧畔，侧畔能否用卧左。主要避去“畔”夺韵之嫌。
问好诗友！ |
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昕阳一片
秀才
Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190
昕阳一片Collection |
| Posted: 2010-07-11 03:36:20 Post subject: |
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| 黄洋界 wrote: |
| 从月光,月影,月色等多角度来吟月,更加生动形象了! |
谢黄版青睐。问好！ |
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昕阳一片
秀才
Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190
昕阳一片Collection |
| Posted: 2010-07-11 03:40:21 Post subject: |
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| 笑聊 wrote: |
汉浮抚宇渺茫茫,海漫天延似夕长.
... |
谢笑版鼓励。“畔”平水韵中隶属十五翰，应抢不韵吧。问好笑版。谢谢您。多赐教。问好！ |
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2010-07-11 03:43:36 Post subject: |
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| 很有夏月之意境。问好昕阳兄！ |
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昕阳一片
秀才
Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Posts: 190
昕阳一片Collection |
| Posted: 2010-07-16 02:52:03 Post subject: |
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| qinghongh wrote: |
| 很有夏月之意境。问好昕阳兄！ |
谢庆宏兄鼓励。问好！ |
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