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夏雨(外一首)
kino
秀才


Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection
PostPosted: 2010-07-03 01:42:57    Post subject: 夏雨(外一首) Reply with quote

夏雨

难得淅淅沥沥的小雨
在这盛夏将至之时
南方已由旱转涝
走在雨中,享受京城奢侈的惬意
陷入难以名状的廉价乡愁
那年大水过后
我们去淮河边打渔
路过无数腥恶的鱼尸
在秧田中化己为肥

2010-7-1


丢脸

那年夏天
我闯进农家乐的浴室
女人下意识地
双手捂住下身
像玛丽莲•梦露那般
优雅且风骚
而我当真没想看那里
水汽朦胧中
我没看清她的脸
便退了出来
洗完澡的女人特地来寻我
告诉我浴室的里间已经安全
而此刻我想要挡住脸
已经来不及

2010年7月2日
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-03 16:13:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

<丢脸> 刻画得有趣且细腻,男与女的反应(无时间做作的瞬间心理变化的反射)描写的很好。
这种抓住瞬间的张力,又要加入缓和剂是很有趣的。

题目也不错,谁叫你把脸丢在在那儿?
人家捡起来特意送还给你还不好?快说谢谢。 Laughing

因雨而起的廉价(轻易可得)乡愁,落到气味的记忆,而气味是最难忘的。
_________________
(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-06 22:32:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

第二首好玩~~

倘若是遇见~~女人打量男人应该是从脸开始的吧~~男人呢?
_________________
如果不开始,会失去过程。
QQ:3972083
微信:qisebaihuayuan
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