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轮渡·又过海峡
hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2010-06-13 09:08:20    Post subject: 轮渡·又过海峡 Reply with quote

是天空把大海嵌入眼底
还是大海将天空装进胸怀
这里难道就是水的出生地

那么多的水,汹涌着
在我的怀里攒动
那么多的水,滔滔滔的
它们已经超出了我
所能够着的波长
那么多的水啊,你还能流向何方

遥想当年,我就从这里出发
你渡我以一叶扁舟
弱水三千,在深渊里翻转着深情的歌喉
我用哪一个现代的诗歌
才能丈量出你的厚意

如今,我们又相遇于这寸土不生之地
我渡你的
却只有这一身挥之即来的困顿
你依然包我,好像我就是那个
永远都长不大的婴儿
你容我如故,仿佛浪子回头
以如此宽阔的胸脯

我几乎要从心底喊出那个博大的名字了
你不仅仅是天底下所有苦难的归宿
你的水,就是我的血
在我的体内呼啸着穿行
仿佛就要擦亮那颗即将陨落的流星

有多少先于我的人投身于你的大爱啊
芸芸众生,难度都是你眼眶里饱含的热泪

你的盐,现在暗藏于我
一粒一粒的,饱满而尖锐着
一粒一粒的,在我的血管里
滚动和呐喊,仿佛游子归来
它们一次
又一次从我的心底涌起
是你的,我都会替你好好保管

有时候,我把它们置于暗夜之庭
它们仿佛星星在我的怀里闪烁
我是如此深深地挚爱着你
想起你的时候
我会将目光投向那幽远而永恒的银河深处

有时候,我把它们洒向滚烫的沙漠
是金刚钻的终究是要发光
是生命树的依然还会长青
依然还会凋零,我又何曾后悔
是你的东西,终归是要归还于你

前方,骑鲸的人是谁
他用何等的姿势
恍若隔世,恍若今生
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白水
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PostPosted: 2010-06-13 18:42:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

回维多利亚了? 看来在温哥华被洛夫老师敲了几教鞭, 诗如泉涌。
高岸说,现在真正写反映移民生活的诗歌太少,看来你们是心有灵犀,,,,,,
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2010-06-13 19:38:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

洛夫先生这把年纪,还创作不掇,确实让人佩服
生活是一种慢慢积累的过程,如果有心,在某个时候,句子就自然而然地流出来了
高岸,你呀,我呀,我们都可以一起来写这个题材,这个就是我们的生活,一种背景,可以慢慢深化诗化
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白水
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PostPosted: 2010-06-13 19:59:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗随心至。该学习洛夫先生的好心态才是。

是,移民生活与人以更多的思索
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赵福治
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Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
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PostPosted: 2010-06-14 02:15:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

你渡我以一叶扁舟
弱水三千,在深渊里翻转着深情的歌喉
我用哪一个现代的诗歌
才能丈量出你的厚意
.......关注移民历史的考量.
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大侠仙子
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PostPosted: 2010-06-14 06:50:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

来品,好句连连。端午快乐!
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2010-06-14 19:09:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢福治和仙子
这是我这几天着力最多的一首
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杯中冲浪
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PostPosted: 2010-06-15 01:45:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

前方,骑鲸的人是谁
他用何等的姿势
恍若隔世,恍若今生


Very Happy 依然末尾出奇制胜。
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2010-06-15 17:25:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

有的人比较注重开端,我写诗歌,却比较注重结尾

每一首诗歌,一定要有一个亮点,如果让人记住,那是最好的
如果用词过于诗性化,读着每句都充满了诗意,但读下来,却没留下什么特别的印象,那反而是败笔之作

很多诗歌,前面只是叙述,其实也是铺垫,为最后一笔做准备,到了那一点,你感觉阳光突然涌入,惊,奇,叹,那就记住了,效果好,目的达到了

当然,我自己也总做不到这一点
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白水
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PostPosted: 2010-06-19 19:20:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

严格说,这首真不错。
算不算加精没所谓,做个记号。
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2010-06-19 19:24:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢白水兄的鼓励,对我应该是鞭策

这些天流水线作业,有点泥沙俱下的感觉,还情见谅
Very Happy
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白水
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PostPosted: 2010-06-19 19:37:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

无沙哪来金 Very Happy
诗歌就这样,想写时挡都挡不住。
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2010-06-19 19:39:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

你能怎么说,我倒也心安理得起来
Laughing
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王晓静
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Joined: 08 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: 2010-06-19 19:43:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

想象丰富,佳句连连,确是好诗,拜读学习了。
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2010-06-19 19:45:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

王晓静 wrote:
想象丰富,佳句连连,确是好诗,拜读学习了。


感谢王晓静的鼓励
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江南雨
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PostPosted: 2010-06-19 22:17:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

你渡我以一叶扁舟
弱水三千,在深渊里翻转着深情的歌喉
我用哪一个现代的诗歌
才能丈量出你的厚意
.......关注移民历史的考量.
_________________
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