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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七律山洪

弹剑作歌
童生

Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 68

弹剑作歌Collection

Posted: 2007-03-21 22:08:22 Post subject: 七律山洪

点滴凝成状似囚，深山一世岂甘休。依根附叶先存力，绕石穿林再出头。体壮身丰还本色，心高意谑逞阴谋。一朝踏入红尘路，卷土携沙共下流。

暗香如沁
秀才

Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-03-22 05:07:51 Post subject:

是新韵么。立意真不错。我怎么就写不了这么好的诗歌呢。嘿。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2007-03-22 07:59:51 Post subject: Re: 七律山洪

弹剑作歌 wrote:

点滴凝成状似囚，深山一世岂甘休。
依根附叶先存力，绕石穿林再出头。
体壮身丰还本色，心高意谑逞阴谋。
一朝踏入红尘路，卷土携沙共下流。

构思巧妙，很有新意，炼句自然，学习了。

弹剑作歌
童生

Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 68

弹剑作歌Collection

Posted: 2007-03-22 18:39:34 Post subject:

暗香如沁 wrote:

是新韵么。立意真不错。我怎么就写不了这么好的诗歌呢。嘿。

是夸我还是糗我？
这阵子在忙些什么？

弹剑作歌
童生

Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 68

弹剑作歌Collection

Posted: 2007-03-22 18:50:02 Post subject: Re: 七律山洪

秋叶 wrote:

弹剑作歌 wrote:

点滴凝成状似囚，深山一世岂甘休。
依根附叶先存力，绕石穿林再出头。
体壮身丰还本色，心高意谑逞阴谋。
一朝踏入红尘路，卷土携沙共下流。

构思巧妙，很有新意，炼句自然，学习了。

多谢秋叶版主！

暗香如沁
秀才

Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-03-23 03:51:15 Post subject:

嘿。我每天就泡帅哥哥啊。泡你泡不到撒。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

晓松
举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection

Posted: 2007-03-23 19:10:25 Post subject: Re: 七律山洪

弹剑作歌 wrote:

点滴凝成状似囚，深山一世岂甘休。
依根附叶先存力，绕石穿林再出头。
体壮身丰还本色，心高意谑逞阴谋。
一朝踏入红尘路，卷土携沙共下流。

惟妙惟肖勾画出了现今社会的某些人。妙笔。

弹剑作歌
童生

Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 68

弹剑作歌Collection

Posted: 2007-03-23 20:41:48 Post subject:

暗香如沁 wrote:

嘿。我每天就泡帅哥哥啊。 Smile

泡你泡不到撒。

[咬牙切齿地]：泡吧，泡死你......

弹剑作歌
童生

Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 68

弹剑作歌Collection

Posted: 2007-03-23 20:46:26 Post subject: Re: 七律山洪

晓松 wrote:

弹剑作歌 wrote:

点滴凝成状似囚，深山一世岂甘休。
依根附叶先存力，绕石穿林再出头。
体壮身丰还本色，心高意谑逞阴谋。
一朝踏入红尘路，卷土携沙共下流。

惟妙惟肖勾画出了现今社会的某些人。妙笔。

真知己也！多谢小松。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-03-23 21:14:16 Post subject:

有朋友说, 古韵注定了被淘汰. 用古韵写现实, 虽较难, 却看到了古韵的将来.............

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

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