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打开另一扇窗

北城工作室
秀才

Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection

Posted: 2010-05-27 23:56:57 Post subject: 打开另一扇窗

打开另一扇窗文/北城墙角剥落的记忆露出一抹沧桑脚步无法丈量的过往被故乡的炊烟牵绊走过一大把春秋冬夏一片绿叶被风摇落约一颗没有归宿的星辰去青花瓷里挖掘被掩埋的春天却在你的名字上搁浅泊在五月草原问候从门缝挤进来穿过风声温暖寂寞的灯伸出的手拉回遗憾这样的结局是否太从容夜风习习，吹皱夜色你的眼神慢慢潜出风干的泪憔悴沿着马头琴淌出摆在眼前不见了累累的伤告别昨天的风景吧饮一壶漂泊在酒中打开另一扇窗留住今晚的月光 2010.5.28 北城通联：guohaidf@163.com _________________ 联通：guohaodf@163.com 博客：北城工作室

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-05-28 08:29:53 Post subject:

每一句都很好，但多有取舍的痕迹。 _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

北城工作室
秀才

Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection

Posted: 2010-05-30 18:34:59 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

每一句都很好，但多有取舍的痕迹。

谢谢老师指导。
_________________
联通：guohaodf@163.com
博客：北城工作室

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-05-30 21:32:13 Post subject: 这里没有老师，一个读者直接的读后感，且以批评为主。

北城工作室 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

每一句都很好，但多有取舍的痕迹。

谢谢老师指导。

若您能适应，欢迎多来，多发表、多讨论。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

北城工作室
秀才

Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection

Posted: 2010-07-16 00:02:56 Post subject:

问候朋友，谢谢指导。 _________________ 联通：guohaodf@163.com 博客：北城工作室

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-07-16 05:50:05 Post subject: 谢谢您还愿意再来。

北城工作室 wrote:

问候朋友，谢谢指导。

再次读过这首作品，第二段要么略过，要么移到结尾。这是再一次的读后感，供您参考。
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

落云听雨
童生

Joined: 18 Jul 2010
Posts: 11

落云听雨Collection

Posted: 2010-07-18 08:22:28 Post subject:

读了

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-07-18 16:26:39 Post subject: 欢迎您来落尘！

落云听雨 wrote:

读了

_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

北城工作室
秀才

Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection

Posted: 2010-11-17 04:52:34 Post subject:

谢谢各位朋友的指教，祝愿大家天天快乐。 _________________ 联通：guohaodf@163.com 博客：北城工作室

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-11-17 19:59:45 Post subject: 快乐又喜悦。

北城工作室 wrote:

谢谢各位朋友的指教，祝愿大家天天快乐。

_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

北城工作室
秀才

Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection

Posted: 2010-12-24 03:20:45 Post subject:

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

北城工作室 wrote:

谢谢各位朋友的指教看望朋友，祝平安快乐。

平安夜快乐。
，祝愿大家天天快乐。

_________________
联通：guohaodf@163.com
博客：北城工作室

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2010-12-25 06:42:11 Post subject:

问好北城。风干的泪憔悴沿着马头琴淌出摆在眼前 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

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