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打开另一扇窗
北城工作室
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Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-27 23:56:57    Post subject: 打开另一扇窗 Reply with quote

打开另一扇窗
文/北城

墙角剥落的记忆
露出一抹沧桑
脚步无法丈量的过往
被故乡的炊烟牵绊
走过一大把春秋冬夏

一片绿叶被风摇落
约一颗没有归宿的星辰
去青花瓷里
挖掘被掩埋的春天
却在你的名字上搁浅
泊在五月草原

问候从门缝挤进来
穿过风声
温暖寂寞的灯
伸出的手
拉回遗憾
这样的结局
是否太从容

夜风习习,吹皱夜色
你的眼神慢慢潜出
风干的泪憔悴
沿着马头琴淌出
摆在眼前
不见了累累的伤
告别昨天的风景吧
饮一壶漂泊在酒中
打开另一扇窗
留住今晚的月光

2010.5.28

北城通联:guohaidf@163.com
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博客:北城工作室
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-28 08:29:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

每一句都很好,但多有取舍的痕迹。
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北城工作室
秀才


Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-30 18:34:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
每一句都很好,但多有取舍的痕迹。
谢谢老师指导。
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-30 21:32:13    Post subject: 这里没有老师,一个读者直接的读后感,且以批评为主。 Reply with quote

北城工作室 wrote:
诗盗喜裸评 wrote:
每一句都很好,但多有取舍的痕迹。
谢谢老师指导。


若您能适应,欢迎多来,多发表、多讨论。
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北城工作室
秀才


Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-16 00:02:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

问候朋友,谢谢指导。
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-16 05:50:05    Post subject: 谢谢您还愿意再来。 Reply with quote

北城工作室 wrote:
问候朋友,谢谢指导。


再次读过这首作品,第二段要么略过,要么移到结尾。这是再一次的读后感,供您参考。
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落云听雨
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Joined: 18 Jul 2010
Posts: 11

落云听雨Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-18 08:22:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

读了
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-18 16:26:39    Post subject: 欢迎您来落尘! Reply with quote

落云听雨 wrote:
读了

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北城工作室
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Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-17 04:52:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢各位朋友的指教,祝愿大家天天快乐。
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2010-11-17 19:59:45    Post subject: 快乐又喜悦。 Reply with quote

北城工作室 wrote:
谢谢各位朋友的指教,祝愿大家天天快乐。

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北城工作室
秀才


Joined: 22 Sep 2009
Posts: 239
Location: 中国.内蒙古。通辽市
北城工作室Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-24 03:20:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
北城工作室 wrote:
谢谢各位朋友的指教看望朋友,祝平安快乐。

平安夜快乐。
,祝愿大家天天快乐。

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上城
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Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2010-12-25 06:42:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好北城。

风干的泪憔悴
沿着马头琴淌出
摆在眼前
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