宁家珍
秀才
Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection |
 Posted: 2010-05-10 19:18:29 Post subject: 采莲子·夏 |
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采莲子·夏（旧韵）
文 /宁家珍（斜阳）
清暑南风一点香。
黄帘垂户映朝光。
溪清水浅横枝绿，
缥缈轻烟白昼长。 |
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白云闲人
探花
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466
白云闲人Collection |
| Posted: 2010-05-11 06:39:58 Post subject: |
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一派夏景!
請教宁家珍: 为何在清暑夏景中,却运用上"西"风一詞呢?
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山. |
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宁家珍
秀才
Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection |
| Posted: 2010-05-11 23:54:01 Post subject: |
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| 谢谢白云老师的指正，已作修改。问候。 |
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笑聊
探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection |
| Posted: 2010-05-12 04:07:17 Post subject: |
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| 不错，夏景好诗！ |
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2010-05-12 08:39:00 Post subject: |
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溪清水浅横枝瘦，
好句！一个“瘦”字如果此句写秋冬落叶枝条很贴切，但是如果写春夏景，是否可改为“溪清水浅横枝绿”或其它字更好？供诗友参考。 |
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宁家珍
秀才
Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection |
| Posted: 2010-05-14 02:49:52 Post subject: |
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| 谢谢qinghongh老师的指点，问好。 |
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刘海
童生
Joined: 31 May 2009
Posts: 37
Location: 安徽六安
刘海Collection |
| Posted: 2010-05-17 21:33:15 Post subject: |
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| 学习，欣赏。 |
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