Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
  Lake北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2010-04-04 07:29:35    发表主题: Sparrows | 
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Sparrow
 
 
Walking through dusk,
 
I spotted a brown bird, 
 
alone
 
on the grass, chirping coarsely, 
 
limping when it saw me 
 
approaching. I cupped
 
it in my hands, took it home,
 
tended it with a few seeds, some water
 
and comforted it in a cage 
 
by the window.
 
 
Morning was awakened
 
by a swarm of sparrows swooping
 
around the house, bumping against
 
the glass pane, calling, shrieking
 
as if to break into the jail
 
to rescue the prisoner.
 
With a bang, a small body, 
 
from the collision with the window,
 
dropped,
 
and then, another,
 
another
 
... 
 
 
 
 
(Removed the last two lines:
 
That astounded me most of all.
 
I opened the door.) _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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		nightingale2 童生
  
  注册时间: 2009-10-22 帖子: 59
  nightingale2北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2010-04-11 03:31:24    发表主题:  | 
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				| O,HAPPENED IN MY GARDEN AS WELL, ONLY 2 OUT OF 7 SERVIVED SUCH CRUTY BY NATURE. SAD. | 
			 
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		Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
  Lake北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2010-04-12 12:35:21    发表主题:  | 
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				Thank you for reading, nightingale. 
 
 
"Cruty", (you mean "cruelty"?) is not the main theme this poem tried to convey. But you got the sad part.
 
 
Thanks.
 
 
Lake _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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		SLIU 秀才
 
  注册时间: 2010-01-01 帖子: 384
  SLIU北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2010-04-21 03:18:58    发表主题:  | 
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				| Vivid description especially of the rescuers | 
			 
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		非马 秀才
 
  注册时间: 2006-06-22 帖子: 907 来自: 芝加哥 非马北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2010-04-25 11:23:31    发表主题:  | 
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				Lake 好!结尾似乎弱了点。最后两行改成“until I opened the door (of the cage?)" 会不会更好些? _________________ 欢迎访问<非马艺术世界>
 
http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm | 
			 
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		Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
  Lake北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2010-04-26 07:40:12    发表主题:  | 
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				Thanks Mr. Feima. Someone else mentioned the ending, too, and suggested cutting the last two lines and ending on "another".  So the present ending must be weak.
 
 
Thanks for letting me know. 
 
 
Best, 
 
 
Lake _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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		非马 秀才
 
  注册时间: 2006-06-22 帖子: 907 来自: 芝加哥 非马北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2010-04-26 08:09:54    发表主题:  | 
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	  | Lake 写到: | 
	 
	
	  Thanks Mr. Feima. Someone else mentioned the ending, too, and suggested cutting the last two lines and ending on "another".  So the present ending must be weak.
 
 ... | 
	 
 
 
I also was thinking of the same thing.  Ending the poem with "another"  can leave more room for imagination. _________________ 欢迎访问<非马艺术世界>
 
http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm | 
			 
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