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姐姐
慈林
秀才


Joined: 20 Dec 2008
Posts: 419
Location: 洛杉矶
慈林Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-31 04:12:37    Post subject: 姐姐 Reply with quote

姐姐


迎亲的队伍已进了村庄
桃花开满枝头

我曾摸着她的脸
我曾握着她的手
我曾躺在她的怀中
喊她一声姐姐

迎亲的队伍渐渐远去
桃花落满了一地


请朋友们想想:

1, 这像一首情诗吗?
2, 〝我〞与姐姐是什么关系?
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吟啸徐行
举人


Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 1336
Location: 中国安徽
吟啸徐行Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-31 19:36:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

中间还要多写点,以增加韵致为好.
_________________
彰显自我爱好,弘扬民族文化,追求诗意生活.
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慈林
秀才


Joined: 20 Dec 2008
Posts: 419
Location: 洛杉矶
慈林Collection
PostPosted: 2010-04-16 22:33:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

吟啸徐行 wrote:
中间还要多写点,以增加韵致为好.


本来中间还有四行,我删去了.意在让朋友有想象空间.
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