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五绝临屏和醉吟群芳1[2]  Next
笑聊
探花


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笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-21 03:53:59    Post subject: 五绝临屏和醉吟群芳 Reply with quote

五绝临屏和醉吟群芳
美酒饮花间,群芳醉韵闲。
沾得馨香露,嫣然展笑颜。
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
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笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-21 03:58:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh



注册时间: 2007-10-14
帖子: 1722

qinghongh文集 发表于: 2010-03-20 09:18 发表主题:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

笑聊 写到 wrote:
读了白云兄诸多咏花诗词,带来美的享受,仿佛把我们带向自然。让我们感受到自然美!
...


笑聊兄,和诗三四句的平仄你不小心弄反了。和诗属五绝仄起首句押韵:

仄-平,平-仄。
平-仄,仄-平。

酒-花,芳-韵。
得-香,然-笑。

供参考。问好!
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笑聊
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-21 05:20:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

首先谢谢庆宏兄的关怀!其次是针对绝句中的“粘”,与兄探讨:

庆宏兄提的核心问题是“粘”字。按常规,庆宏兄说的不错,是不会失“粘”的。为此,我查阅了王力的《汉语诗律学》,绝句3-2:“绝”者“截”也,盖截律诗之半。3-3可以把绝句分为四类,、、、此外,为什么不可以截取第一第三两联,或第二第四两联呢?这些本来也是可能的;但是,依照近体诗的平仄规律而论,这样就会变为“失粘”。除非不顾失粘,才可以这样做;、、、
我的这首五绝,是仄起首句入韵式。仄仄仄平平,平平仄仄平。按“粘”的规则,下面应是:平平平仄仄,一如庆宏兄所说,应取颌联或尾联。但这首五绝却不顾“失粘”,取了颈联。看似违背了“粘”的规律,其实不然。王力的《汉语诗律学》中,讲的也是一般规律。因为,在唐诗中,这类失粘的绝句,也不在少数。如五绝:三日入厨下,洗手作羹汤。未谙姑食性,先遣小姑尝。(王建-新嫁娘);如:千山鸟飞绝,万径人踪灭。孤舟蓑笠翁,独钓寒江雪。(柳宗元-江雪)如七绝:“、、、上有黄鹂深树鸣。春潮带雨晚来急,、、、”(韦应物-滁洲西涧)其实王力也看到了这个情况,因此他说:“除非不顾失粘,才可以这样做;、、、”换句话说,对于这种格式,王力也是默认的。
本人认为,绝句的概念当是:常规应牢记,特殊可例外。除了可截取颌、尾两联,颈联也不是不可以。但还是尽量避开为好。以上只是个见,如有不妥,恳请老师们拍砖!
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qinghongh
榜眼


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PostPosted: 2010-03-21 06:17:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢笑聊兄解答。笑聊兄这首属于特例,学习了。的确在古绝句中,有一些著名的特例。
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影沉寒水
举人


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PostPosted: 2010-03-21 06:24:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊 wrote:
首先谢谢庆宏兄的关怀!其次是针对绝句中的“粘”,与兄探讨:
...



又学习了一把

问好笑聊
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诗无涯。思在线
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笑聊
探花


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笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-21 06:34:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="qinghongh"]谢谢笑聊兄解答。笑聊兄这首属于特例,学习了。的确在古绝句中,有一些著名的特例。[/quote]
谢谢庆宏兄支持与关怀!
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
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白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-21 10:24:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

和笑聊兄一首<渔歌子>:

群芳展笑正斑斕,
叠叠馨香溢万山.
吟风韵,
描容颜,
美酒浓情醉花間!
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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笑聊
探花


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笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-21 16:31:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="影沉寒水"][quote="笑聊"]首先谢谢庆宏兄的关怀!其次是针对绝句中的“粘”,与兄探讨:
...[/quote]


又学习了一把
...[/quote]
谢谢影沉寒水关注,顺问好!
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笑聊
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-21 23:02:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="白云闲人"]和笑聊兄一首<渔歌子>:
...[/quote]
谢谢白云兄和词临屏打油一首再和:
美酒浓情醉花間,风光溢美春眸前。
磬香叠叠诱蜂蝶,冷艳容颜惊世怜。
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白云闲人
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-22 09:10:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

接口再和笑聊兄:

冷艳容颜惊世怜,
朱唇点点意情传.
輕盈朵朵含羞笑,
百样娇姿百样妍.
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笛里关山.
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笑聊
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-22 21:18:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢白云兄厚赐,接上再和:
百样娇姿百样妍.
千红百紫争艳鲜.
莹莹晨露润娇媚,
处处春阳暖人间.
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白云闲人
探花


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白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-23 09:33:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

再接再和:

处处春阳暖人間,
漫山遍野展新颜.
天公更喜施甘露,
满院芳菲赏步闲.
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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笑聊
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-24 01:22:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢白云兄厚赐!再接和:
满院芳菲赏步闲,
偶闻喜鹊叫连连。
春光妩媚须珍惜,
姹紫嫣红恁爱怜。
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白云闲人
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-24 09:08:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊兄思维敏捷,笔巧心灵! 謝謝唱和!
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笛里关山.
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关山秋
童生


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PostPosted: 2010-03-24 21:42:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊 wrote:
首先谢谢庆宏兄的关怀!其次是针对绝句中的“粘”,与兄探讨:
...


欣赏笑聊先生好绝,闲淡清雅,耐读!

愚以为还是按格律不失粘为好,因为律诗格律已经定型化一千多年了。王力先生在论述王维律诗中个别失粘的情形时说道:
“在王维等人的律诗中,由于律诗尚未定型化,还有一些不粘的律诗.....到了后代,失粘的情形非常罕见。至于失对,就更是诗人们所留心避免的了。”
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笑聊
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-25 03:25:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢白云兄的唱和!白云兄文笔典雅,立意潇洒,弟当努力学之!
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笑聊
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-25 04:54:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="关山秋"][quote="笑聊"]首先谢谢庆宏兄的关怀!其次是针对绝句中的“粘”,与兄探讨:
...[/quote]

欣赏笑聊先生好绝,闲淡清雅,耐读!

愚以为还是按格律不失粘为好,因为律诗格律已经定型化一千多年了。王力先生在论述王维律诗中个别失粘的情形时说道:[size=18]
“在王维等人的律诗中,[b]由于律诗尚未定型化,[/b]还有一些不粘的律诗.....到了后代,失粘的情形非常罕见。至于失对,就更是诗人们所留心避免的了。”[/size][/quote]

谢谢关山秋老师赏读与雅评!
关于“粘”的问题,看来是本人认识上的一个误区。确实,除唐以外,失“粘”的例子及少。这里首先要感谢庆宏兄的着意点拨!其次要谢谢白云兄的循循诱导!再次要谢谢关山秋老师的点化!
感谢你们在‘粘“的问题上,帮我走出误区!!!
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白云闲人
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-25 09:49:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊兄客气了! 我們在这百花园地里,相互切磋交流,共同提高創作水平,也是一种乐趣!其实,在诗詞写作中,偶尔來一下古诗的风味,也是有一番情趣! 当然,基本的宗旨不应忘记:格律为唐诗宋詞的基本要素.我們在創作中,努力把情景与格律融合起來,写出抑揚頓挫的优美篇章,以丰盛我們的暢意人生!
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白水
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PostPosted: 2010-03-25 20:13:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏这种探讨。友情,大度,虚怀若谷。
诗歌的好坏与人品及内涵是无法分割的。向各位老师和朋友学习了。
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笑聊
探花


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PostPosted: 2010-03-26 01:19:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢白云兄帮助与理解!
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