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十四行诗你是否觅恋这暗夜的情魅

绛紫湮
童生

Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 31

绛紫湮Collection

Posted: 2010-03-02 19:16:41 Post subject: 十四行诗你是否觅恋这暗夜的情魅

目光裸露肆无忌惮的纯美生命凝结无法形容的心碎瓣瓣飘落都是优美的轮回字字抒写都是相思的眼泪相思不断昨夜梦海角寻追独吟蓬扉孤影常随杜康醉心的旋律在涧泉中空弹累你是否觅恋这暗夜的情魅时光是条不知疲倦的流水日子伴着你的文字的相陪总会突然在夜晚撞个满怀安抚着我灵魂深处的花卉昨日的妒意将春天烧成灰今日的鸟带着梦在天上飞 _________________ 湮朦胧雨朦胧，清心淡意在雾中。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-03-03 17:48:05 Post subject:

不太安定的夜，酝酿逃脱的灵魂。 _________________ 可情可理，去捧就真

绛紫湮
童生

Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 31

绛紫湮Collection

Posted: 2010-03-03 20:42:37 Post subject: 呵呵问好~~

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:

不太安定的夜，酝酿逃脱的灵魂。

_________________
湮朦胧雨朦胧，清心淡意在雾中。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-03-04 15:57:54 Post subject: 绛紫湮好，仅就音律上做个调度。

绛紫湮 wrote:

诗盗喜裸评 wrote:

不太安定的夜，酝酿逃脱的灵魂。

目光裸露肆无忌惮的纯美
相思不断昨夜梦海角寻追
生命凝结无法形容的心碎
瓣瓣飘落都是优美的轮回

独吟蓬扉孤影常随杜康醉
日子伴着你的文字的相陪
你是否觅恋这暗夜的情魅
今日的鸟带着梦在天上飞

时光是条不知疲倦的流水
安抚着我灵魂深处的花卉
心的旋律在涧泉中空弹累
昨日的妒意将春天烧成灰

总会突然在夜晚撞个满怀
字字抒写都是相思的眼泪
_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

红袖添乱
秀才

Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

红袖添乱Collection

Posted: 2010-03-06 09:42:36 Post subject:

改得真不错，hello 紫烟，诗盗 _________________ 梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视，而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。

绛紫湮
童生

Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 31

绛紫湮Collection

Posted: 2010-03-06 09:57:43 Post subject: 袖儿好~~~

红袖添乱 wrote:

改得真不错，hello 紫烟，诗盗

_________________
湮朦胧雨朦胧，清心淡意在雾中。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-03-07 10:46:05 Post subject: 没有改，只是调动。还有后发先至的问题。

红袖添乱 wrote:

改得真不错，hello 紫烟，诗盗

_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2010-03-11 06:22:45 Post subject: 良人的的有奇才

良人的的有奇才来化腐朽为神奇宰相肚里撑只船目光裸露笑眯眯我也改得不错。问好城上的。伟大的落尘诗社！ _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

绛紫湮
童生

Joined: 05 Oct 2009
Posts: 31

绛紫湮Collection

Posted: 2010-03-11 12:53:25 Post subject:

上城 wrote:

良人的的有奇才
来化腐朽为神奇
宰相肚里撑只船
目光裸露笑眯眯

Very Happy

...

呵呵 ~~~问好
_________________
湮朦胧雨朦胧，清心淡意在雾中。

詩盜喜裸評
进士出身

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection

Posted: 2010-03-11 18:10:03 Post subject: (良人的的有奇才)的的，用的好。

上城 wrote:

良人的的有奇才
来化腐朽为神奇
宰相肚里撑只船
目光裸露笑眯眯

Very Happy

...

_________________
可情可理，去捧就真

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