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感慨:
我家三儿
童生


Joined: 06 Jan 2010
Posts: 62

我家三儿Collection
PostPosted: 2010-02-25 04:06:40    Post subject: 感慨: Reply with quote

感慨:



我想我的外婆年轻的时候一定很美,因为看着我的额吉(蒙语,妈妈),就能想象得到。

她现在走了,永远地,在只能想象的地方。那里,是否安静,是否灿烂,是否祥和……,只能猜测。

在这样寒意浓重的冬夜,我不由地想起她,一个大快朵颐,没有肉吃就发小脾气的老女人,可爱的“坏”女人,坐在一个世纪的台阶上,终于累了。在她阖上沧桑的双眸的时候,基督向她投去温暖的笑,可我不喜欢这笑。

但,在千山万水之外的我,只能接受,只能躲在沉沉的夜里,为她祈祷,情不自禁双眸噙满婆娑的泪……




窗外
文/三儿




花瓣落得那样响,
惊动了佝偻的夜,

我的心也慌了。
冷的月亮
寒颤在窗外,
梦碎了一地。

是谁在外面走,
吭哧着黑色的步伐,
我不由地想躲。
薄的月亮
饮泣在窗外,
心冻成了冰山。

在月亮照不到的地方,
我想寻一片安宁。

一只猫
突然,呜出一声——
雨开始下个不停。

一个人点着一盏灯,
站在天堂的门口……


2008-01-17
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五湖四海皆兄弟!
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骨笛
秀才


Joined: 03 Jan 2009
Posts: 547

骨笛Collection
PostPosted: 2010-02-25 21:55:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

让人惊怵的夜,但天堂有盏灯。
祈祷好人好报
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我把天空装在我家里,鸟儿天空中飞来飞去
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吴景慧
秀才


Joined: 18 Feb 2010
Posts: 100
Location: 吉林白山
吴景慧Collection
PostPosted: 2010-02-26 00:15:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

感觉第四节的后三行,既不能承上也不能启下,建议改一改。
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诗是分行的文字,但不是所有分行的文字都是诗。写完了一首诗之后,自己再读一读,看看能不能先感动了你自己。http://blog.sina.com.cn/dongfanghui123
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