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玉梅令-素梅
莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-08 01:58:46    Post subject: 玉梅令-素梅 Reply with quote

  年来絮伴,踏雪寻庭苑,深冬锁,遣妆微暖。有玉梅几树,数遍唤东风,华展露,赋诗细点。
  悠然静客,人赞清馨面。身姿妙,志抒意远。怕笔休闲久,待絮作清词,开几日,岸边香漫。
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Posts: 5987
Location: 中国山东
李盈枝Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-08 04:34:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

【048】玉梅令•素梅(莹雪)

年来絮伴,踏雪寻庭苑,深冬锁,遣妆微暖。有玉梅几树,数遍唤东风,华展露,赋诗评点。
悠然静客,人赞清馨面。身姿妙,志抒意远。怕笔休闲久,待絮作清词,开几日,岸边香漫。


顺便问好!
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-08 19:41:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

李盈枝 wrote:
【048】玉梅令•素梅(莹雪)

年来絮伴,踏雪寻庭苑,深冬锁,遣妆微暖。有玉梅几树,数遍唤东风,华展露,赋诗评点。
悠然静客,人赞清馨面。身姿妙,志抒意远。怕笔休闲久,待絮作清词,开几日,岸边香漫。


顺便问好!
问一下,为什么要加“【048】”呀?
问好!
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Posts: 5987
Location: 中国山东
李盈枝Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-08 21:33:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

莹雪 wrote:
李盈枝 wrote:
【048】玉梅令•素梅(莹雪)

年来絮伴,踏雪寻庭苑,深冬锁,遣妆微暖。有玉梅几树,数遍唤东风,华展露,赋诗评点。
悠然静客,人赞清馨面。身姿妙,志抒意远。怕笔休闲久,待絮作清词,开几日,岸边香漫。


顺便问好!
问一下,为什么要加“【048】”呀?
问好!
问好!我给自己的学习资料编的号。
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Posts: 5987
Location: 中国山东
李盈枝Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-08 21:36:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

【001】五绝•远洋缉海盗(qinghongh)

陈汤豪迈语,万里镇匈奴。
大海波涛路,何时变坦途?

闻索马里海盗骑劫中国货轮,犹思汉名将陈汤豪语“明犯强汉者,虽远必诛!”

【002】七律•老伴七十华诞感赋(三首) 老山



人生七十畅回眸,雪雨苍松夕照楼。
曾是冰心开画卷,更将节笔写春秋。
胸怀万里颜难老,力拔千钧志可酬。
秋叶黄花仍醉眼,霜眉未必减风流。



人生七十畅回眸,芸帙缥香一小楼。
典藏五车犹恨少,韦编三绝未嫌稠。
萤囊映月何须赞,探骊取珠但所求。
欲问哪来多活水,书山学海是源头。



人生七十畅回眸,玉润芝馨满小楼。
山外桃林红未了,堂前竹幔绿还稠。
同来同往鸳鸯渡,共乐共忧风雨舟。
欲问老来何事爽,齐眉举案双白头。

【003】七绝•无题(一字通)

无须在意假和真,似水流年短暂春。
网络相逢缘分在,笑谈今古学诗人。

——依次往下排。
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-08 23:42:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

李盈枝 wrote:
问一下,为什么要加“【048】”呀?
问好!
问好!我给自己的学习资料编的号。[/quote]您过谦了。
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2010-01-09 07:54:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

莹雪 wrote:
  年来絮伴,踏雪寻庭苑,深冬锁,遣妆微暖。有玉梅几树,数遍唤东风,华展露,赋诗评点。
  悠然静客,人赞清馨面。身姿妙,志抒意远。怕笔休闲久,待絮作清词,开几日,岸边香漫。


又见莹雪MM清新妙词。问新年好!
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-10 02:17:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:


又见莹雪MM清新妙词。问新年好!
谢谢qinghongGG关注。问冬安!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 19:20:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

学习上佳好词!唯上阕末句‘评’出律,用‘圈’如何?其实一首词中,有个把出律也不为过。意为先,律次之。但如能追求完美则更好。以上个见,如有不妥,还望见谅!问好!
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 20:22:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

"怕笔休闲久,待絮作新词",
志存高远,问好莹雪!
_________________
++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 22:00:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊 wrote:
学习上佳好词!唯上阕末句‘评’出律,用‘圈’如何?其实一首词中,有个把出律也不为过。意为先,律次之。但如能追求完美则更好。以上个见,如有不妥,还望见谅!问好!
谢谢细评!各抒己见是很好的。
‘圈’字有些板,不若用“细”字。 Laughing
玉梅令 双调六十六字,前段七句四仄韵,后段六句三仄韵

年来絮伴,踏雪寻庭苑,深冬锁,遣妆微暖。
○○●▲,●●○○▲,○○●,●○○▲。
有玉梅几树,数遍唤东风,华展露,赋诗细点。
●●○●●,●●●○○,○●●,●○●▲。


悠然静客,人赞清馨面。身姿妙,志抒意远。
○○●●,○●○○▲。○○●,●○●▲。
怕笔休闲久,待絮作清词,开几日,岸边香漫。
●●○○●,●●●○○,○●●,●○○▲。
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莹雪
进士出身


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-11 22:02:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄洋界 wrote:
"怕笔休闲久,待絮作新词",
志存高远,问好莹雪!
谢谢您的雅赏和鼓励!
问冬安
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