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《红叶集》七律选录1 [2] [3] ... [11] [12] [13]  Next
李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-28 10:02:37    Post subject: 《红叶集》七律选录 Reply with quote

【001】登高

寒潮未约提前至,雪后秋山枫叶红。
古刹撞钟传远近,悬崖放眼揽西东。
天边河道如蛇渺,松下襟怀触景雄。
一自少年离别去,重来唯有性情同。
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君山楚女
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PostPosted: 2009-11-28 20:07:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

整体诗意值得欣赏。唯“雪落空山秋叶红”有修改余地。如落字可换为后字,空字更为秋字,秋字易为枫字或霜字。只是拙见,仅供参考。
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学习的敌人是自己的满足,要认真学习一点东西,必须从不自满开始。——毛泽东
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-28 20:15:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

君山楚女 wrote:
整体诗意值得欣赏。唯“雪落空山秋叶红”有修改余地。如落字可换为后字,空字更为秋字,秋字易为枫字或霜字。只是拙见,仅供参考。

问好!谢谢指正!
“雪【后】空山【枫】叶红”——“枫、空、红”挤韵。但觉得比用“霜”贴切。
题目是《初冬》,原来就不宜着一“秋”字。
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君山楚女
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PostPosted: 2009-11-28 20:45:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

秋字来烦。初冬时节秋意未尽,方有红叶。先生读的诗多,集句再造,另赋新意。确有诗才,佩服!学习!!
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阿里邦
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PostPosted: 2009-11-28 22:45:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

寒潮未约提前至,起得好,问好李兄!
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qinghongh
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PostPosted: 2009-11-28 23:37:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

好诗。但首句“寒潮未约提前至”,“约”为平声,这里是否出律?
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-28 23:40:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

阿里邦 wrote:
寒潮未约提前至,起得好,问好李兄!
欠妥处望指点,问好!
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-28 23:46:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
好诗。但首句“寒潮未约提前至”,“约”为平声,这里是否出律?
下午好!“约”旧读入声。日久成习,一直按唐宋规矩写近体诗。只有在写古风时,才依照现代读音来写,因为对平水韵的仄韵不熟悉。。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 00:57:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

旧读入声的平声字

以下是我自己整理的一份东西,在写旧体诗词时,便于检索。即按《诗韵新编》十八部的分法,选录的旧读入声的常用平声字:

【一麻】
八!擦!插!答!搭!瘩!发!刮!鸹!夹!浃!掐!撒!杀!煞!刷!塌!挖!瞎!鸭!压!押!匝!咂!扎!拔!跋!察!达!乏!伐!罚!筏!砝!滑!猾!划!铗!荚!颊!戛!蛱!侠!狭!峡!匣!辖!狎!黠!洽!杂!砸!闸!札!扎!炸!铡!

【二波】
剥!拨!钵!戳!撮!郭!蝈!摸!泼!说!脱!托!桌!捉!作!白!伯!薄!百!柏!箔!泊!博!驳!帛!舶!膊!勃!搏!礴!夺!铎!咄!佛!国!帼!活!膜!橐!拙!酌!浊!濯!茁!着!灼!啄!卓!镯!擢!昨!

【三歌】
鸽!割!搁!胳!疙!喝!磕!瞌!颏!着!得!德!额!格!阁!革!葛!隔!合!涸!盒!核!翮!阖!貉!阂!壳!舌!折!责!则!泽!择!哲!摺!谪!蜇!辙!蛰!

【四皆】
鳖!憋!跌!接!揭!撅!捏!瞥!撇!切!缺!阙!贴!帖!歇!蝎!楔!削!约!曰!别!蹩!蝶!叠!迭!牒!堞!谍!碟!耋!结!洁!杰!节!截!竭!劫!捷!睫!碣!诘!孑!疖!颉!角!脚!觉!决!绝!爵!诀!谲!崛!抉!嚼!掘!獗!孓!珏!攫!倔!协!胁!挟!撷!学!穴!

【五支】
吃!失!湿!只!汁!织!石!食!实!识!蚀!拾!十!什!直!值!植!殖!执!职!侄!掷!

【七齐】
逼!滴!积!迹!激!绩!击!屐!唧!劈!霹!七!戚!漆!剔!踢!息!夕!吸!悉!悉!膝!析!淅!皙!晰!揖!鼻!敌!笛!涤!荻!镝!嫡!极!寂!级!疾!集!吉!即!及!急!籍!瘠!楫!辑!脊!笈!岌!棘!亟!嫉!蒺!席!习!昔!惜!袭!媳!熄!

【十模】
出!督!忽!惚!哭!窟!扑!秃!屋!读!毒!笃!独!牍!犊!渎!福!服!伏!拂!缚!幅!匐!袱!蝠!沸!鹄!斛!仆!瀑!璞!熟!赎!淑!菽!孰!叔!塾!秫!俗!突!凸!竹!逐!烛!足!族!卒!镞!

【十一鱼】
曲!屈!局!菊!橘!鞠!掬!

六儿、八微、九开、十二侯、十三豪、十四寒、十五痕、十六唐、十七庚、十八东等这十个韵部没有入声字。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 04:37:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

【002】次韵陆游《学书》

青山几度夕阳红,年少不愁成老翁。
破釜沉舟喜有路,摩拳擦掌叹无功。
徒存壮志三旬过,枉慕时贤万事空。
终是学疏才又浅,莫因潦倒怨天公。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 04:40:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

【003】次韵爱新觉罗•敦敏吊曹雪芹诗

当年漂泊叹卑微,少壮情怀今又归。
众目能分妍与丑,存心可辨是和非。
巉岩峭壁添奇趣,逸致闲情爱夕晖。
我自登山吟古句,高天向晚彩云飞。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 04:46:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

【004】战后日本

日本投降二战停,幽灵犹在近邻行。
平民难抚亡亲痛,政客仍迷称霸情。
六十春秋留教训,万千团体盼和平。
每逢祭拜东条日,何止华人怨愤生。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 04:51:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

【005】腊月二十四生日自嘲(次韵梦蝶翁)

福如贪吏笑神仙,寿比乌龟赖坦然。
腹有糟糠能骗世,心无俗虑胜参禅。
风骚园里青枝老,雅客群中红叶鲜。
已是不因名利累,胡诌嬉戏又经年。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 04:52:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

【006】次韵唐代八十九岁翁胡杲

惯于冰洞自为春,鸭入凤巢难合群。
风雨千场随世践,诗词万卷任花熏。
九天揽月襟怀在,十载翻书夙夜勤。
梦碎不悲名未就,老来应喜气犹氲。
长愁雅士煎人句,独赏陶公出岫云。
我乃鸡鸣狗盗者,当今谁是孟尝君?
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 04:54:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

【007】依韵奉和林锐彬先生

又是心游万仞时,望舒居赋捷才诗。
经天各看风云过,坐地同随日月驰。
有幸屏前得益友,无缘池畔拜良师。
寒儒久仰李光耀,君乃狮城林散之。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 04:57:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

【008】今夜无眠(次韵贾宝玉《冬夜即事》)

童年旧梦志难更,风暴摧花果未成。
寒舍诗情悲野鹤,秋池霜鬓忆春莺。
良宵已惯孤衾冷,盛世不甘千字轻。
以骨为柴献香茗,村言俚语细心烹。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 05:00:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

【009】临屏次韵奉和悯秋翁

预支磨剑十年功,依旧轻帆多逆风。
屡叹凄风凋叶碧,总携孤影赏桃红。
各知甘苦遭逢异,素昧平生志趣同。
菩萨心肠高士梦,论坛欣遇悯秋翁。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 05:04:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

【010】叠韵戏答林间流水

落魄江湖无寸功,书生老去沐春风。
林间流水随心碧,物外晚霞超俗红。
熊掌鲍鱼难共得,枕言诗韵岂相同?
但圆疏放逍遥梦,何惜孤灯伴孑翁。
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 05:08:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

【011】戏题非非小姐

男人胆子芝麻大,惹是生非必是她。
撞壁捶床撕秀发,寻愁觅恨骂昏鸦。
醋缸忽卷千重浪,口水常淹十万家。
叱咤风云书剑客,回家跪拜脚边趴。
  
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李盈枝
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PostPosted: 2009-11-29 05:10:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

【012】次韵杜牧《登池州九峰楼寄张祜》

中宵不寐有来由,雅苑竟为风雨楼。
信口雌黄何日了,随心诬陷几时休?
邀功图宠是君意,亮剑称雄非我求。
点击鼠标当自敛,书生只可傲王侯。
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