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sonnet XIV
justjust123
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Joined: 01 Nov 2009
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PostPosted: 2009-11-01 01:05:41    Post subject: sonnet XIV Reply with quote

to 戏雨飞鹰

i envy not a wanton king
whose linens women's scents imbue
so scents they have, yet none a wing
his heaven thus no heaven true

i envy not zhuge the great
who seized and swept a mighty state
he kept his war for vaster land
but never touched a beauty's hand

my flying eagle's wings and breast
shine in her beauty, grace and brain
und' which i slide and soar in rain:
my body, soul and mind are blest

forbidden love is aged wine
in smell so sweet, in taste so fine
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Lake
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PostPosted: 2009-11-01 22:41:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, XIV already! I only managed to write one, a failed one. And then I gave up.

The narrator doesn't want to be an eagle without wing, or a hero without woman; he wants both.

What kind of rhyme scheme are you using? But who cares? Smile

Glad to see you posting again, just.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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justjust123
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Joined: 01 Nov 2009
Posts: 22

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PostPosted: 2009-11-03 01:06:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

True, it is not a sonnet in the precise sense. Here the rhyme is ABAB CCDD EFFE GG (not defined anywhere)
Also instead of pentameter, I chose tetrameter (4-footed meter, inspired by Lord Tennyson's poem introduced in this forum).
I try to write sonnets because i think that writing a sonnet is a way to learn english and appreciate its structure and works of shakespeare. I learned quite a bit after I attempted sonnets. About one or one and a half years ago, I could not even count syllables, and now for most part I understand meters such as iambs, trochees etc
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Lake
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PostPosted: 2009-11-03 22:15:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

justjust123 wrote:
I try to write sonnets because i think that writing a sonnet is a way to learn english and appreciate its structure and works of shakespeare. I learned quite a bit after I attempted sonnets. About one or one and a half years ago, I could not even count syllables, and now for most part I understand meters such as iambs, trochees etc
...


Good for you. A great way to learn English sonics and musicality.

This can be read as a sonnet variation, which is very popular in contemporary poetry - variations in structure and voice, epiphany, line, rhyme, meter etc.

Keep them coming.
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