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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

手術刀及其他

戀海
秀才

Joined: 04 Aug 2009
Posts: 383

戀海Collection

Posted: 2009-09-27 11:35:58 Post subject: 手術刀及其他

〈手術刀〉已經觀察了多日這回就要劃下奇美的一刀問你刀下竟如何？白袖飄飄撥開迷霧是一抹你嘴角落下的陽光〈獄囚〉腳越走越短脖子越伸越長終於有天我蛻化成一頭寂寞長頸龜〈懷孕〉因為愛所以我願意害喜願意忍受食欲不振心律不定以及偶而呼吸急促頭腦昏沈就為了看那藏躲腹腔的小精靈抽長成我們的嘴唇眼睛〈小丑〉錯過了，你們也不覺得可惜收穫只有稀稀落落的掌聲這樣也好沒有任何負擔我習慣用問號退場一上場就在舞臺上灑一點味素〈一夜情〉這是歧出風雅的一首情詩當陽光點亮馬路他的名字還藏在皮夾裡

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2009-09-27 12:44:22 Post subject:

很有趣的观察和体验，欣赏 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2009-09-27 13:22:57 Post subject:

都不错。着色部分是我比较喜欢的词句。怀孕一首我觉得可以再写其二，把表面的女人现象延伸到男人的恋爱症状。最喜爱“一夜情”这首，多义，空间既小亦大，情诗未写而写，一夜情写于未写。而，风雅与歧出两词，令我联想到亦关诗文的事。汝独爱那名不见经传的，耳鬓厮磨终夜。岂止是佳作，简直神来。〈手術刀〉已經觀察了多日這回就要劃下奇美的一刀問你刀下竟如何？白袖飄飄撥開迷霧是一抹你嘴角落下的陽光〈獄囚〉腳越走越短脖子越伸越長終於有天我蛻化成一頭寂寞長頸龜〈懷孕〉因為愛所以我願意害喜願意忍受食欲不振心律不定以及偶而呼吸急促頭腦昏沈就為了看那藏躲腹腔的小精靈抽長成我們的嘴唇眼睛〈小丑〉錯過了，你們也不覺得可惜收穫只有稀稀落落的掌聲這樣也好沒有任何負擔我習慣用問號退場一上場就在舞臺上灑一點味素〈一夜情〉這是歧出風雅的一首情詩當陽光點亮馬路他的名字還藏在皮夾裡 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

戀海
秀才

Joined: 04 Aug 2009
Posts: 383

戀海Collection

Posted: 2009-09-27 21:04:43 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

很有趣的观察和体验，欣赏

問好

這幾首短詩
或觀察
或體驗
或想像
總是生活周遭的

戀海
秀才

Joined: 04 Aug 2009
Posts: 383

戀海Collection

Posted: 2009-09-27 21:10:39 Post subject:

有時中文詩與外文詩的最大差異在於中文象形因此有些意念的傳達是意也是象如小丑中的問號退場問號是意問號也是象謝謝博弈詩友對這幾首短詩的評點

成都锦瑟
童生

Joined: 13 Aug 2009
Posts: 60
Location: 成都
成都锦瑟Collection

Posted: 2009-09-27 23:22:23 Post subject:

喜欢《手术刀》、《一夜情》。问候恋海。也祝大家国庆愉快。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/cdjinse23

安红红
同进士出身

Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection

Posted: 2009-09-28 04:21:55 Post subject:

最后一首有趣~~ 问好~ _________________ 如果不开始，会失去过程。 QQ：3972083 微信：qisebaihuayuan

戀海
秀才

Joined: 04 Aug 2009
Posts: 383

戀海Collection

Posted: 2009-09-28 10:36:27 Post subject:

成都锦瑟 wrote:

喜欢《手术刀》、《一夜情》。

问候恋海。也祝大家国庆愉快。

問候遠方詩友

歡迎多交流

戀海
秀才

Joined: 04 Aug 2009
Posts: 383

戀海Collection

Posted: 2009-09-28 10:39:14 Post subject:

安红红 wrote:

最后一首有趣~~

问好~

問好安紅紅

詩能夠讓人讀出趣味
也算成功了

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