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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

网

诗人行天
童生

Joined: 16 Apr 2008
Posts: 49

诗人行天Collection

Posted: 2009-08-24 02:24:35 Post subject: 网

网 ◎行天无所不在的手工织体没有边界的社会地图除了永别谁能脱身 _________________ 行云流水天下

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2009-08-24 06:48:30 Post subject:

永别二字可以再想一想，改一改。（如何能隐喻永别而会意脱身？） _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

诗人行天
童生

Joined: 16 Apr 2008
Posts: 49

诗人行天Collection

Posted: 2009-09-02 01:05:11 Post subject:

谢博弈评点！本来在本论坛我是只贴组诗的，不料当天忙于俗务所虑不周，鬼使神差贴了微诗，自己破了“规矩”。 _________________ 行云流水天下

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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