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◇ 门诊厅
李有明
秀才


Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 310

李有明Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-20 02:58:18    Post subject: ◇ 门诊厅 Reply with quote
◇ 门诊厅

门前开满鲜艳的旗帜
我们的人生也都美丽过
在这里应允许退休、下岗
允许身体部位的痛苦和休息

白色的衣服飘来飘去
展示牌上不断更新新的技术
人类不断更新痛苦
人的身体部件正准备现代化
或许有一天，轴承或螺丝
将把大脑取代

眼神挤来挤去
门和坐椅一开一合
楼房焦躁不安
再换几个马达
有几个人的心脏不够用了
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-20 05:32:56    Post subject: Reply with quote
这首作品落入说教(叙述)的巢臼，应该还有加强(改善)的空间。
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可情可理，去捧就真
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李有明
秀才


Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Posts: 310

李有明Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-20 11:12:02    Post subject: Reply with quote
詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
这首作品落入说教(叙述)的巢臼，应该还有加强(改善)的空间。
问好，接受，多谢指点！
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾，台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-22 07:05:08    Post subject: 倒是希望能多听听作者的发想。 Reply with quote
李有明 wrote:
诗盗喜裸评 wrote:
这首作品落入说教(叙述)的巢臼，应该还有加强(改善)的空间。
问好，接受，多谢指点！

_________________
可情可理，去捧就真
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