sfiawong
秀才
Joined: 05 May 2009
Posts: 813
Location: US/HK
sfiawongCollection |
 Posted: 2009-06-14 02:06:02 Post subject: 《赤壁英雄》 |
 |
|
《赤壁英雄》写於05年3月的 二诗
(1)
多少英雄论赤壁﹐东风吹助英雄汉。
千秋尽人都羡慕﹐八卦天时合周郎。
若君心思做周郎﹐莫非加存妄想症。
投胎转世另一人﹐英雄千古有几成。
(2)
千万后人发梦想
莫非他存妄想症
面皮之厚不自量
英雄千古有几成
_________________
有評必回應.
Love your relatives and friends when they are near you.
我的英文詩:
http://poemhunter.com/albert-wong
http://facebook.com/sfiawong |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
|
|
白云闲人
探花
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466
白云闲人Collection |
| Posted: 2009-06-14 05:31:14 Post subject: |
|
|
与你共同切磋一下: 诗词要给人一种自然流畅,韵律悠扬之享受,那就要在用词造句时,避免有重复累赘之感! 在短短的五十六个字中,应尽量少用过多的重复字词. 诗(1)中:用了三个"英雄".两个"周郎".两个"人".两个"千秋.千古",是否值得再斟酌一下.
_________________
诗中岁月,
笛里关山. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
犀利
秀才
Joined: 21 May 2009
Posts: 103
犀利Collection |
| Posted: 2009-06-14 09:56:44 Post subject: 附议白云闲人。 |
|
|
| 附议白云闲人。 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
sfiawong
秀才
Joined: 05 May 2009
Posts: 813
Location: US/HK
sfiawongCollection |
| Posted: 2009-06-17 16:36:56 Post subject: |
|
|
| 白云闲人 wrote: |
| 与你共同切磋一下: 诗词要给人一种自然流畅,韵律悠扬之享受,那就要在用词造句时,避免有重复累赘之感! 在短短的五十六个字中,应尽量少用过多的重复字词. 诗(1)中:用了三个"英雄".两个"周郎".两个"人".两个"千秋.千古",是否值得再斟酌一下. |
君言之有理,我第二句,可改男兒,同周郎卻不能改,改了意思會失誤.因是問題句.改了不知所云了.
_________________
有評必回應.
Love your relatives and friends when they are near you.
我的英文詩:
http://poemhunter.com/albert-wong
http://facebook.com/sfiawong |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Sign in
Album
