北美楓 :: 閱讀主題 - My translating practice

	北美文学网 \| 移民园地 \| 皮皮金工作室 \| 漂木藝術家協會 \| 诗海 \| 乐岛 "华河杯"2007中外华文诗歌联赛暨华文民间报刊联展于2007年元旦正式开始。终评委：洛夫、非马、巫逖、谢冕、高平、向明、痖弦、陈铭华，Lorna Crozier写英文评语。本次比赛得到上海华河工贸有限公司董事长何小芳先生的大力赞助。
	常見問題與解答搜索成員列錶成員組註册個人資料查看留言登陸博客群博客新聞照相簿



诗词字典 Dict 格律检验 Check 诗词搜索 Search 音乐频道 Music

北美楓首頁 -> 西方文学　Western Literature

My translating practice

立国
童生

註册時間: 2009-06-11
帖子: 21
來自: Toronto
立国北美楓文集

發錶於: 2009-06-15 10:58:36 發錶主題: My translating practice

苏幕遮范仲淹碧云天黄叶地秋色连波波上寒烟翠山映斜阳天接水芳草无情更在夕阳外黯乡魂追旅思夜夜除非好梦留人睡明月楼高休独倚酒入愁肠化作相思泪 Sumuzhe By Fan Zhongyan Translated by Zhang liguo The blue sky and white cloud The yellow leaves falling on the earth The autumn color dyed the endless waves The chilly frog is jadeite The sky and water fused The maintain against the sunset The merciless grass Growing beyond Homesick and depressed My travel memories be chased How many nights can hardly endure Unless a nice dream attached While the moon is bright and high And should be not nestling against mansion lonely How longed for you The wine I drank turned into tears

返頁首

Lake
举人

註册時間: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286

Lake北美楓文集

發錶於: 2009-06-15 20:30:08 發錶主題:

立国寫到:

苏幕遮
The blue sky and white cloud
The yellow leaves falling on the earth
The autumn color dyed the endless waves
The chilly frog is jadeite
The sky and water fused
The maintain against the sunset
The merciless grass
Growing beyond

Homesick and depressed
My travel memories be chased
How many nights can hardly endure
Unless a nice dream attached
While the moon is bright and high
And should be not nestling against mansion lonely
How longed for you
The wine I drank turned into tears
...

Thanks for sharing.

It would be better to separate title from the text. Here are a few things I noticed:

L4, where does "frog" come from?
L6, "maintain" or "mountain"?

Verse one reads like a list.

Regards
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

返頁首