云马贺铭
童生
Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 48
Location: 中国
云马贺铭Collection |
 Posted: 2007-03-06 16:49:52 Post subject: 原创诗歌:蒹 葭 |
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蒹 葭
蒹葭苍苍 白露为霜 所谓伊人 在水一方
--诗经
我已造好了舟
可是我已不再年轻
找到你 我必须溯水而上
可是我已无力
我已造好了舟
可是我已须发斑白
见到你 恐怕你将认不出来
因为我已年迈
我已造好了舟
可是我却将它放逐
下游的年轻人啊
或许会用上它
2006.7.8
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风上面还是风
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白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-03-06 20:12:26 Post subject: |
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| 年华逝水, 放逐的不再是年轻 |
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和平岛
举人
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection |
| Posted: 2007-03-06 20:13:24 Post subject: |
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一种立意
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写诗是为了写更好的诗 |
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云马贺铭
童生
Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 48
Location: 中国
云马贺铭Collection |
| Posted: 2007-03-07 02:38:39 Post subject: |
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谢谢白水 Moonlight,和平岛.
这是去年的旧作,可见当时苍老的心境.
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风上面还是风
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沙漠
秀才
Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection |
| Posted: 2007-03-07 04:56:22 Post subject: |
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感觉每一节的结句可斟酌。问好：）
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个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180 |
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云马贺铭
童生
Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 48
Location: 中国
云马贺铭Collection |
| Posted: 2007-03-07 16:54:46 Post subject: |
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还请沙漠老兄赐教.
谢谢.
_________________
风上面还是风
更乱 更强 |
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