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<<路过一个开花的夜>>
湮雨朦朦
秀才


Joined: 18 May 2009
Posts: 213
Location: 江西省南昌市
湮雨朦朦Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-11 02:05:13    Post subject: <<路过一个开花的夜>> Reply with quote

1.<<路过一个开花的夜>>

酒声漫出 高脚杯纤弱的手
我从第八根蜡烛身后 将湖水取走
将你蓝色的衣衫烫成满天的星斗 开花的叶和
无花的果 放弃鸣叫 放弃娇弱


野栀子占据这片山坡的笑容 嗨
是沉默 我模仿灯 风来的时候
藏身寂静的窗口 化为窈窕淑女大红大绿在琵琶上行走
一叶龙舟独钓飞天 在精神的十字路口畅饮


夜走成一头巨兽
领着启明星和我的五更 乘着朝阳
尽兴


2.<<无法完成的今夜>>

总是翻不开今夜的琴弦 水在后退
火从太阳中剥离 这红彤彤的泪
我只存在于白或黑 你的嘴唇像露珠
当我把旗帜插往峰顶 薄雾将选渐渐离去
离奇的音乐再次响起
我选择子夜 斑驳的鼓励
荧火虫从天上来 降临芒种还有蟠桃的旨意

下半个
月光
流经你
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-11 05:59:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

语言不错,内心的情感和周围的意象很好结合。整体有点形散了~问好!
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湮雨朦朦
秀才


Joined: 18 May 2009
Posts: 213
Location: 江西省南昌市
湮雨朦朦Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-12 02:58:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢阅读.问好.
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-14 02:04:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

真是朦朦湮雨啊,柔美润泽 Very Happy
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湮雨朦朦
秀才


Joined: 18 May 2009
Posts: 213
Location: 江西省南昌市
湮雨朦朦Collection
PostPosted: 2009-06-14 15:17:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
真是朦朦湮雨啊,柔美润泽 Very Happy



多谢白水大诗人的肯定.
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