湮雨朦朦 秀才
Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 213 Location: 江西省南昌市 湮雨朦朦Collection |
Posted: 2009-05-31 02:26:40 Post subject: <<那么多的所有>> |
|
|
<<那么多的所有>>
泡沫在月末集合 一朵白浪倾起所有
紫花挽着旷野 黎明扬起微弱的手
开在月亮之上的明眸
呼啸而来海潮的怒吼
秋风中枯叶无辜地随波逐流
大时代的蚂蚁一夜之间翻过高楼
我挖开旧相片的骨头
原来岁月就这样
曾经拥有
斩断一根麦子的歌喉 刀锋纠集了温暖的秋后
流血 那么多的所有
我不再是温情默默地注视
群山轰然倒塌 夜晚已经是弱势群体
灯 在蚊虫的的背面游弋
皮肤的隆起不再是红色的液体
灯红酒绿
再一次滑倒了
白茫茫的鞋底 |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
安红红 同进士出身

Joined: 07 Feb 2009 Posts: 1808
安红红Collection |
Posted: 2009-05-31 02:38:06 Post subject: |
|
|
尽量写得明确明朗些~~不要隐匿过多的意象~
问好 _________________ 如果不开始,会失去过程。
QQ:3972083
微信:qisebaihuayuan |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2009-05-31 03:25:13 Post subject: |
|
|
| 读到了你内心的呐喊。对社会上的各种怪异现象,人们难免要发声。西方社会常鼓励人们 speak out, 想想这话也有道理。比如类似诗句:“灯红酒绿/再一次滑倒了/白茫茫的鞋底” ,说出来,理性的审视 ,滑倒啦,相信会找倒一个平衡点再站起来。学习了。 |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
湮雨朦朦 秀才
Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 213 Location: 江西省南昌市 湮雨朦朦Collection |
Posted: 2009-06-01 00:26:21 Post subject: |
|
|
白水先生厉害,一眼看穿我的内心,  |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
湮雨朦朦 秀才
Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 213 Location: 江西省南昌市 湮雨朦朦Collection |
Posted: 2009-06-01 00:44:13 Post subject: |
|
|
| 红红好,多提意见. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
晴宝儿 秀才

Joined: 03 Jun 2008 Posts: 666
晴宝儿Collection |
Posted: 2009-06-01 05:03:59 Post subject: |
|
|
后段渐突出力量!
白水同志品评感受深入,同欣赏! _________________ 晴宝儿 |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
湮雨朦朦 秀才
Joined: 18 May 2009 Posts: 213 Location: 江西省南昌市 湮雨朦朦Collection |
Posted: 2009-06-02 01:04:29 Post subject: |
|
|
| 诗人白水给的网址怎么打不开呀? |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
晴宝儿 秀才

Joined: 03 Jun 2008 Posts: 666
晴宝儿Collection |
Posted: 2009-06-05 03:22:53 Post subject: |
|
|
哈哈,总算弄清楚啦,白水的确是淑女(看那地址回帖版聊十分有趣)
不得劲,还是白水兄弟吧 _________________ 晴宝儿 |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
sfiawong 秀才

Joined: 05 May 2009 Posts: 813 Location: US/HK sfiawongCollection |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
骨笛 秀才
Joined: 03 Jan 2009 Posts: 547
骨笛Collection |
Posted: 2009-06-05 05:52:54 Post subject: |
|
|
原来岁月就这样 灯红酒绿
 _________________ 我把天空装在我家里,鸟儿天空中飞来飞去 |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
 |
 |
|