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向大師請教!
sfiawong
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Joined: 05 May 2009
Posts: 813
Location: US/HK
sfiawongCollection
PostPosted: 2009-05-17 12:27:56    Post subject: 向大師請教! Reply with quote

本人寫的一首詩<望夫石>,因有些人感覺有需要改良,故來這裡向大師們請教:

千年站立望夫歸, 日夜哭啼背著兒。

堅貞節烈感後人, 天下多少痴情女?

初稿,尾句是:"天下多少白痴女",因"白痴女"一詞在外間的網友有爭議,認為有問題,但本人又不知其問題所在,是太過香港式土語化,或有對女仕們的不夠尊敬?"白痴女"本應是香港人最明白的詞語,三字如千言,不用解釋(如果是香港人讀的話).不過我都感覺不甚優雅,故還是改了,不過似仍有不足.不知大家對此有何意見?
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sfiawong
秀才


Joined: 05 May 2009
Posts: 813
Location: US/HK
sfiawongCollection
PostPosted: 2009-05-18 18:05:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

正祈望著你的意見....!
_________________
有評必回應.
Love your relatives and friends when they are near you.
我的英文詩:
http://poemhunter.com/albert-wong
http://facebook.com/sfiawong
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View user's profile Send private message Blog Visit poster's website
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