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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

听风

李宏
童生

Joined: 04 Apr 2008
Posts: 70
Location: 贵州
李宏Collection

Posted: 2009-05-06 01:05:24 Post subject: 听风

听风文/李宏我把耳朵悄悄的藏进空气里听风的诉说风呵你把自己装进山的怀抱呼呼的拍打着母亲的胸襟我弯腰轻轻的拾起一弯月色在手心里闪闪的照耀着你情窦初开的脸我知道你来了是天籁之声的风铃像裹着树皮的泥巴有点涩 …… 2009.1.14 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/fandijki08

安红红
同进士出身

Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection

Posted: 2009-05-06 01:10:23 Post subject:

微风吹过的感觉~~ _________________ 如果不开始，会失去过程。 QQ：3972083 微信：qisebaihuayuan

慈林
秀才

Joined: 20 Dec 2008
Posts: 419
Location: 洛杉矶
慈林Collection

Posted: 2009-05-06 07:30:50 Post subject:

好诗!

李宏
童生

Joined: 04 Apr 2008
Posts: 70
Location: 贵州
李宏Collection

Posted: 2009-05-09 23:44:37 Post subject:

安红红 wrote:

微风吹过的感觉~~

谢谢安红红阅读！问好！
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/fandijki08

李宏
童生

Joined: 04 Apr 2008
Posts: 70
Location: 贵州
李宏Collection

Posted: 2009-05-09 23:45:37 Post subject:

安红红 wrote:

微风吹过的感觉~~

谢谢阅读
问好！
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/fandijki08

李宏
童生

Joined: 04 Apr 2008
Posts: 70
Location: 贵州
李宏Collection

Posted: 2009-05-09 23:48:19 Post subject:

慈林 wrote:

好诗!

问好慈林!远握！
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/fandijki08

魏鵬展
秀才

Joined: 14 Apr 2009
Posts: 606
Location: Hong Kong 香港
魏鵬展Collection

Posted: 2009-05-10 00:01:15 Post subject:

最後兩段寫得很有感染力。「像裹着树皮的泥巴」是寫那個女子嗎？如果是寫女子，這句可修飾一下，因為跟詩的基調不合。文末的省略號可刪。 _________________ 香港文學報《小說與詩》投稿方法+稿約、稿例、最新一期目錄： http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_60b7bcff01018dcp.html 魏鵬展是香港詩人、《小說與詩》主編、中文教師；微信(WeChat): npcjeffrey

李宏
童生

Joined: 04 Apr 2008
Posts: 70
Location: 贵州
李宏Collection

Posted: 2009-05-12 17:07:29 Post subject:

魏鵬展 wrote:

最後兩段寫得很有感染力。
...

感谢魏老师点评，以后多指点。远握！
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/fandijki08

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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