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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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满江红
诸金龙
童生


Joined: 25 Sep 2008
Posts: 11
Location: 中国·江苏·南京
诸金龙Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-08 23:33:11    Post subject: 满江红 Reply with quote

志气高昂,凭栏望,心中日月。

抬望处、云海翻滚,似龙腾跃。

千年江山朦胧美,一昔换取平明醉。

莫再愚,扛起重担来,说声对。

过时耻,还未雪;学生怨,何时灭!

驾长龙,踏破虏身心碎。

笑对苍天询问理,恫临大地平生怯。

看今朝,杀将猛士出,威风悦!

后注:这首词作于学生成考的前一天,为了激励自己也为了激励其他同学信心面对成考而作。词中韵脚可能有不足之处,但已然写成,表达了我的完整意思,就又舍不得更改了。还望各位爱好诗词的笔友们海涵啊!
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-10 05:53:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

很有岳飞<满江红>的激励和气魄! 唯平仄与韵律有待进一步斟酌.不断修改才换来不断的升华,莫要舍不得.
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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