一壶枫雨 童生
Joined: 06 Mar 2009 Posts: 27
一壶枫雨Collection |
Posted: 2009-03-07 08:23:11 Post subject: <平水韵·五律>早春感怀 |
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春早雨丝尖,梅残香梦寒。
天青水料峭,地白月阑珊。
林夕鸟归路,山曦虎震川。
流光传古韵,此曲复年年! |
_________________ 春风沐惠,秋月怀清。 |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2009-03-07 09:16:46 Post subject: |
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很美的意境 |
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野航 秀才
Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 547 Location: toronto 野航Collection |
Posted: 2009-03-07 20:18:52 Post subject: |
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写景零碎,未成整体. _________________ 回归自然 回归心灵 回归传统 |
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一壶枫雨 童生
Joined: 06 Mar 2009 Posts: 27
一壶枫雨Collection |
Posted: 2009-03-11 17:35:55 Post subject: |
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感谢二位点评。
尾联做了改动,请再审。
问好! _________________ 春风沐惠,秋月怀清。 |
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