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与春三首
轩雨抚梦
童生


Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 38

轩雨抚梦Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-02 19:03:22    Post subject: 与春三首 Reply with quote

  
     《春天小绪》

  春天,诗意搁浅在赣州
  在这里我看见了一条细柳镶嵌
  飞过雪山的绿
  扬在渐渐长高的章江上
  它推动着镜面,移照着
  春回大地,我把抒情写上绿色
  红色泥地里
  小草贶出感情
  它稚嫩的思想
  在大地书页上
  淡淡一笔
  在轻轻拍手的风中
  悄悄地呼叫:
  “春天!春天!我要长大!
  春天!我要长大!”
   
    2009-02-16
    江西·赣州

  
    《春天》
 
  大山告诉我
  你把鸟儿们的心思
  从它们嘴里带走
  到后山去嘈杂
  你这一点是无情足够?
  我带这只“耳朵”的标本上路
  直漂泊到异乡
  看见了一枝桃花
  与故乡的那一枝同样是伸不着闲云
  也抵不着泥地
  这此,我明明白白
  春天,你是多情的
  也是公平的,对你
  我羞红了脸
  对着清风
  大山告诉了我
  你把花粉联谊
  是为了人间

    2009-02-17
    江西·赣州


    《春天》

  多次写到这个神秘名字
  它带寒又带暖
  带寒时很是纯洁
  带暖又那么芳香
  如果还有谁像我这样
  在这个女人身边打转
  它便会懂得
  忽晴忽雨的经验与
  小楼下
  诗人湿湿的情怀
、 
    2009-02-24
    江西·赣州
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-02 19:31:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏第二首~诗意较浓~语句有些阻塞了~例如:与故乡的那一枝同样是伸不着闲云 ~~伸不着~似乎有些牵强~够不着或者摸不着或者触不到等等~已见~问好
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