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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《春风的失算》三首

半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

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Posted: 2009-02-28 01:23:46 Post subject: 《春风的失算》三首

《过火》一场大火烧起来的时候我们一直找不到消防车冬天里也找不到灭火的干冰。如今，我已离大火很远从你那里传来的炙热却差点将我烤焦。只为那大火不因我燃更不因我放。（谁说过：热情本质上是一块冰）《春风的失算》春风也有小小计谋。却使桃花藏进更深的骨朵。憔悴的花蕊再耐不住一场惆怅的风寒。既抵不过一开即落的命运她宁愿裹紧，簇新的锦衣。让自由的风，从枝头带入更深的黑暗。《病》咖啡的提神总能让人们忽略它的苦。面前的黑瓷杯消溶着她如麻的思绪和窗外婉转的鸟声。这是个才从病中起身的人。一场病太沉，太久反反复复。以至于看她生病的人被她传染的人，绝望地认为就这样耗尽余生吧。余生很长，还有很多计划与爱情无关。但现在，坐在桌前她的专注只是一杯咖啡能够提神和麻痹的记忆：从去年秋天一直喝到今年春天。一场病无一细诉。如果你没喝过咖啡又如何明白？

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沙漠
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Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
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Posted: 2009-02-28 03:25:11 Post subject:

都有对生活的思考。更喜2。问好明月！ _________________ 个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180

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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
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Posted: 2009-02-28 04:49:01 Post subject:

生活的反思, 很好的切入点. 欣赏. 更喜欢2的结构. 探讨1: 只为那大火不因我燃更不因我放。（谁说过：热情本质上是一块冰）（谁说过：热情本质上是一块冰）似把诗歌填的太满. "只为"似可略. 感觉因果关系不顺从你那里传来的炙热却差点将我烤焦。只为那大火不因我燃更不因我放。

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杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
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Posted: 2009-02-28 15:13:21 Post subject:

欣赏啊。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

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姜慕水
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Joined: 20 Jan 2009
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Posted: 2009-02-28 16:38:14 Post subject:

带着淡淡的惆怅,淡淡的生活印痕,欣赏问好!

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

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Posted: 2009-02-28 16:57:28 Post subject:

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沙漠 wrote:

都有对生活的思考。更喜2。问好明月！

问好沙漠，谢评~

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半溪明月
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Posted: 2009-02-28 17:07:38 Post subject:

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白水 Moonlight wrote:

生活的反思, 很好的切入点. 欣赏. 更喜欢2的结构.
...

（谁说过：热情本质上是一块冰）这句我一开始也没有，后来加上也有和你一样觉得太满的感觉。如果你也有这样的感觉，去掉也许更好。第二个问题你估计是说“没有因为我燃烧，也没烤疼。那么因为自己燃烧，不是更痛？”这个有点矛盾的问题的吧？这个命题从字面上看，本身就存在着悖论。无论如何都躲不开一个受伤的“痛”。那么，既然她选择了离开，看着离开后的人又和别人燃气另一场感情的大火，那么她为什么还会痛？这个诗歌的意思就是这样，摊开说就没有意味了。不知道这样解释能不能通过？ Very Happy

Very Happy

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2009-02-28 17:10:04 Post subject:

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杯中冲浪 wrote:

欣赏啊。

问好狼哥，不提点意见？

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2009-02-28 17:24:14 Post subject:

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姜慕水 wrote:

带着淡淡的惆怅,淡淡的生活印痕,欣赏问好!

谢谢羡慕水点评。问好！

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安红红
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Joined: 07 Feb 2009
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Posted: 2009-02-28 19:05:11 Post subject:

桃花能不能让自已想好了再开～想好了再从暗夜里走到光下～ _________________ 如果不开始，会失去过程。 QQ：3972083 微信：qisebaihuayuan

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刘浪
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Joined: 04 Dec 2008
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Posted: 2009-02-28 21:20:42 Post subject:

不错的一组。问好明月。 _________________ 是金子也会花光地

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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
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Posted: 2009-02-28 23:47:42 Post subject:

春风的失算不错。总体感觉，以高标准要求的话，少致命闪光点，写得比较随意。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

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半溪明月
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Posted: 2009-03-01 15:33:48 Post subject:

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安红红 wrote:

桃花能不能让自已想好了再开～想好了再从暗夜里走到光下～

谢谢安红红的美好祝愿~

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

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Posted: 2009-03-01 15:34:38 Post subject:

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刘浪 wrote:

不错的一组。问好明月。

问好刘浪

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2009-03-01 15:35:35 Post subject:

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nobody wrote:

春风的失算不错。
...

不要对我要求太高？

Sad

，谢谢NY直言！

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子花
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Joined: 08 Mar 2007
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Posted: 2009-03-01 15:49:33 Post subject:

喜欢病多些！！问好明月姐！！

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2009-03-01 16:16:47 Post subject:

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子花 wrote:

喜欢病多些！！问好明月姐！！

问好子花~

Smile

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娇娇
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Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Posts: 124
Location: 吉林四平
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Posted: 2009-03-03 03:04:47 Post subject:

诗意浓厚！喜欢！问候！ _________________ 每段路都有蹊径，向着阳光延伸！

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韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
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Posted: 2009-03-03 22:42:06 Post subject: mingyue

明月总有思考，不忘记文字的思想性。是比较随意。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

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若尘
童生

Joined: 01 Dec 2008
Posts: 29
Location: 中国
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Posted: 2009-03-04 20:03:30 Post subject:

好诗歌，拜读问好！ _________________ 走自己的路，让别人去说吧！

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