非马
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 Posted: 2009-02-20 06:53:16 Post subject: Out At Sea 在海上 |
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马庭森 (Harry Martinson, 1904─1978)的诗
Out At Sea
Out at sea one feels a spring or a summer merely as a passing breeze.
Sometimes in the summer the drifting Florida seaweed blooms,
and on a spring evening a spoon-bill stork flies in towards Holland.
Translation, W.H. Auden
在海上
在海上你感觉春夏就如同一阵过往的风。
有时在夏天漂流的佛罗里达海草开了花，
而在一个春天的黄昏一只琵鹭飞向荷兰。
非马 译
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Lake
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| Posted: 2009-02-20 12:15:39 Post subject: |
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Hi Mr. Fei Ma,
So, this is a translation upon a translation. I like the long lines here which sound more lyrical and your translated lines with the same length are perfect.
Thanks for posting.
Lake
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非马
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| Posted: 2009-02-20 13:17:59 Post subject: |
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Lake 好!
我不懂瑞典文,但我相信奥登的翻译应该不会差到哪里去。其实只要富有诗意及韵律，我并不太在乎译诗同原诗间的差距，或这诗意与韵律究竟是来自原作者或译者。我常把翻译当成一种再创作，虽然我尽可能贴近原文。
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William Zhou周道模
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| Posted: 2009-02-20 16:05:16 Post subject: |
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学习。请问非马先生：春夏之间是否要加一个“或”？
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Lake
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| Posted: 2009-02-20 20:54:21 Post subject: |
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| 非马 wrote: |
我不懂瑞典文,但我相信奥登的翻译应该不会差到哪里去。其实只要富有诗意及韵律，我并不太在乎译诗同原诗间的差距，或这诗意与韵律究竟是来自原作者或译者。我常把翻译当成一种再创作，虽然我尽可能贴近原文。
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对极，同意。我这方面的经验少，多谢交流。
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非马
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| Posted: 2009-02-21 04:00:11 Post subject: |
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| William Zhou周道模 wrote: |
| 学习。请问非马先生：春夏之间是否要加一个“或”？ |
我想这正是汉语诗(特别是古典诗)一般较英语诗简洁、含蓄、多义的一个例子。象这里的“春夏”，英语一般得说成“a spring or a summer" 或"a spring and a summer"。但汉语用“春夏”就可含盖两者。至于是“or”或“and”，则由上下文来决定。其实在这首诗里，我想用“or”或“and”都讲得通的。另外一个考虑是内在韵律的问题。加个“或”字念起来就是不对劲。但这可能只是我自己的感觉。
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William Zhou周道模
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| Posted: 2009-02-23 15:56:36 Post subject: |
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谢谢老师的细心讲解！如果“春夏”有“春天和夏天”、“春天或夏天”两种意思，那汉语是要好些。
因为后面两句把春天和夏天分开写了，所以容易理解成第二意。
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