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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

缺憾

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白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-02-09 14:15:11 Post subject: 缺憾

缺憾默默地让我们对视, 冤家一年又是今天灶台边的兰花碗盛满了汤圆一生一世的糍糯莲蓉芯, 红豆馅我不想开灯, 任月光朦胧朦胧地流过笨拙的手指却不知怎样穿针引线, 缝一件世间最完美的珍品缺憾, 缺憾是女神的断臂柔美的曲线冤家, 远远地让我们就这样对视断臂之痛, 痛也永恒

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2009-02-09 16:19:46 Post subject:

女神什么都好 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2009-02-09 17:10:35 Post subject:

语言一流，一流如水。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2009-02-09 21:45:24 Post subject:

品味汤圆的甘甜消融世间的冰川让香糯月色填满形成大爱之无华诗篇 [嘻嘻先到这儿，有空我再回来作汤圆诗]

安红红
同进士出身

Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 06:51:13 Post subject:

冤家看到，也是甜的～～问好～ _________________ 如果不开始，会失去过程。 QQ：3972083 微信：qisebaihuayuan

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 13:23:33 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

女神什么都好

PEACE, 该说什么呢? "都"字实在难求. 女神尚有断臂之痛, 何事可得十全十美 Confused

万千世界, 绝对存在于相对之中.

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 13:28:08 Post subject:

杯中冲浪 wrote:

语言一流，一流如水。 Very Happy

谢谢冲浪.

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 13:29:48 Post subject:

莹雪 wrote:

品味汤圆的甘甜
消融世间的冰川
让香糯月色填满
形成大爱之无华诗篇

[嘻嘻 Razz

先到这儿，有空我再回来作汤圆诗]

MM, 等吃你的汤圆诗.

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 13:39:03 Post subject:

安红红 wrote:

冤家看到，也是甜的～～

问好～

谢谢你. 此冤家是一尊小雕塑,它要说甜, 我得乐晕,,,,, Razz

吟啸徐行
举人

Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 1336
Location: 中国安徽
吟啸徐行Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 20:45:14 Post subject:

有汤圆引出如此的联想和诗意,比吃汤圆远让愉悦. _________________ 彰显自我爱好,弘扬民族文化,追求诗意生活.

晴宝儿
秀才

Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Posts: 666

晴宝儿Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 22:12:40 Post subject:

冤家, 远远地让我们就这样对视想象丰富，精致小诗！ _________________ 晴宝儿

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2009-02-11 01:01:20 Post subject:

感觉将最后一段去掉比较好。因为前一段已与起始形成回环反复~个见！节日快乐！

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2009-02-11 09:24:54 Post subject:

白水这“灶台边的兰花碗盛满了汤圆一生一世的糍糯莲蓉芯, 红豆馅我喜欢吃！

孙国福
童生

Joined: 08 Feb 2009
Posts: 63
Location: 吉林长春
孙国福Collection

Posted: 2009-02-12 01:06:01 Post subject:

语言优美，意境深远！ _________________ 在这片贫瘠的土地上我播种苦难收获苦难来磨砺我思想的剑

晴宝儿
秀才

Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Posts: 666

晴宝儿Collection

Posted: 2009-02-13 10:15:44 Post subject:

我记得我回复来着，怎没痕迹了，刚读明月的也觉得是，再走到这里，越发确定是读过的冤家, 远远地让我们就这样对视当时语忘了，记得冤家给我很深印象！ _________________ 晴宝儿

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2009-02-13 18:45:29 Post subject:

语言非常优美和动情~~ 喜欢! _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

娇娇
秀才

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Posts: 124
Location: 吉林四平
娇娇Collection

Posted: 2009-02-13 23:25:08 Post subject:

永恒的，就是这痛。 “这”又是什么，我常常不知道。 _________________ 每段路都有蹊径，向着阳光延伸！

爱月
秀才

Joined: 12 Jun 2008
Posts: 250

爱月Collection

Posted: 2009-02-14 00:28:49 Post subject:

“默默地让我们对视, 冤家 ”喜欢这样的句子；在痛中生的感觉。 _________________ 诗歌、诗剧。以文会友。http://blog.sina.com.cn/juneraiyue112

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2009-02-14 02:41:30 Post subject:

我不想开灯, 任月光朦胧朦胧地流过笨拙的手指却不知怎样穿针引线, 缝一件世间最完美的珍品 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

孙国福
童生

Joined: 08 Feb 2009
Posts: 63
Location: 吉林长春
孙国福Collection

Posted: 2009-02-14 02:45:27 Post subject:

细品，回味悠长！！！ _________________ 在这片贫瘠的土地上我播种苦难收获苦难来磨砺我思想的剑

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