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五绝 叹魏延
qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2009-02-04 12:50:07    Post subject: 五绝 叹魏延 Reply with quote

五绝 叹魏延

魏延无叛意,反骨子虚云。
大将遭疑用,失机也误人。

蜀汉大将魏延,身经百战,屡立战功,但一直不为诸葛亮所信任,认为他有反骨。纵观他投刘备以后,多次独当一面,尽管诸葛亮待他不公,却从没反叛过。而且曾献奇谋分兵出子午谷奇袭长安,非常可惜不为诸葛亮采纳,使蜀汉失去一次绝佳的胜魏良机。在诸葛亮死后,魏延并没有投魏,而是死于和杨仪(非好鸟)的内争及自己的居功自傲。魏延冤案加上诸葛亮错用言过其实的马谡,可见诸葛亮并非知人善任。在识人方面,他不及刘备。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-04 16:50:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

确有见地!
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-05 06:53:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
五绝 叹魏延
魏延无叛意,反骨子虚云。
丞相存偏见,说书多误人。
...

qinghongh识多才广,学习之。
一点小建议:能否以“叹误”为眼?
其实,才20字,写成这样已很不错了。
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2009-02-05 08:16:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

多谢黄老师冰清老师赏读!谢冰清老师建议。如何修改,望老师示之。
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-05 09:01:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh,别称老师。说实在的,在你们面前,我只不过是小学生。
我之所以也谈些不成熟的意见,是想这枫林多些诚挚的探讨之风。
就我的帖子说,多是随意文字。发出来,的确是很想听到大家开诚布公提些什么的。结果大家很客气的称我老师。这样我就不会有什么长进了。
至于对《五绝 叹魏延》稍作修改的意见,我也是跟着自己感觉走的。浮躁皮毛已极。如果说出来不怕人笑话,那就是:能不能省去第三陈述句,以腾出些笔墨渲染和抒发“误人误事”之慨叹。
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qinghongh
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Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

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PostPosted: 2009-02-05 14:01:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

冰清老师,你是长辈,我们从你那里获益匪浅,值得我们尊重。
你的意见很好,我修改如下,请你看看如何?

魏延无叛意,反骨子虚云。
大将遭疑用,失机也误人。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2009-02-05 14:35:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

感悟甚深
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王君明
秀才


Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
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PostPosted: 2009-02-05 18:40:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏探讨,问候。
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虚拟网络 真实生活
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2009-02-06 08:21:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

王君明 wrote:
欣赏探讨,问候。

谢君明兄!
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2009-02-08 06:19:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh,难得有你这劲儿。感动,学习!
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