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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

五律静思

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lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-01 10:03:12 Post subject: 五律静思

给各位诗友问好，请指教！五律静思文/ lulu 人生路坎坷，苦里觅甘甜。年幼时时乐，求学夜夜寒。北国雪漫舞，南海雨连绵。烦恼随它去，冥冥自有缘！ _________________ 荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

白云闲人
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Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2009-02-01 11:07:11 Post subject:

很好,在回首中静思,在静思里寻得乐观的人生观:"苦里觅甘甜'."烦恼随它去,溟溟自有缘"! 顺缘而就,随遇而安! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2009-02-01 12:05:16 Post subject:

lulu的诗进步很大！

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-02-01 17:27:21 Post subject:

烦恼随它去，溟溟自有缘好感觉

王君明
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection

Posted: 2009-02-01 23:50:53 Post subject:

可感。拜望！ _________________ 虚拟网络　真实生活

lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-02 03:49:46 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

很好,在回首中静思,在静思里寻得乐观的人生观:"苦里觅甘甜'."烦恼随它去,溟溟自有缘"! 顺缘而就,随遇而安!
...

谢白云老师赏读雅评！
是啊，lulu只略知新韵，不懂古韵，我想，用古韵作诗一定会很美，还请白云老师指教！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-02 03:51:28 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

lulu的诗进步很大！

谢庆宏老师表扬！学生会继续努力！
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-02 03:54:36 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

烦恼随它去，溟溟自有缘

好感觉

谢白水 Moonlight赏读，请多指教！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-02 03:57:08 Post subject:

王君明 wrote:

可感。拜望！

谢诗友赏读！请多指教！
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

游向高原的鱼
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Joined: 20 May 2007
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游向高原的鱼Collection

Posted: 2009-02-02 04:25:10 Post subject: lulu

lulu如果对古诗感兴趣，可以读一点古音韵知识，王力的古汉语里面有。这样写出的古体诗歌味道更浓。 _________________ 人生乃是一面镜子，在其中认识自己。

lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-03 00:51:11 Post subject:

游向高原的鱼 wrote:

lulu如果对古诗感兴趣，可以读一点古音韵知识，王力的古汉语里面有。这样写出的古体诗歌味道更浓。

给诗友问好！谢谢您的赏读，也谢谢您的指点！
lulu对古诗确实很感兴趣，喜欢古诗字词浓郁的韵味，待我有时间，一定好好学学古汉语，还请您多指教！
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

王君明
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection

Posted: 2009-02-03 03:28:13 Post subject:

探讨: 叠词是否安排得显多?

lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
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Posted: 2009-02-04 03:24:31 Post subject:

王君明 wrote:

探讨:
叠词是否安排得显多?

谢谢您的意见，现把诗略作修改，您意下如何？请指教！

人生路坎坷，苦里觅甘甜。
年幼时时乐，求学夜夜寒。
北国雪漫舞，南海雨连绵。
烦恼随它去，冥冥自有缘！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

wenshan
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Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 112
Location: Canada
wenshanCollection

Posted: 2009-02-05 10:00:06 Post subject:

奉和lulu 《五律-静思》。尚请指正。甘苦人生路，乾坤日月迁。闲看云作雨，冷对海成田。南国椰摇影，枫邦雪落绵。诗书寻逸趣，淡泊乐随缘。（加拿大/闻山） _________________ 枫叶国-闻山

lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-06 08:27:49 Post subject:

wenshan wrote:

奉和lulu 《五律-静思》。尚请指正。
...

谢您的赏读！谢您的和诗！给诗友问好！
lulu非常欣赏您的这首五律诗，尤其这两句“闲看云作雨，冷对海成田。南国椰摇影，枫邦雪落绵。”，意境很美。。。
拜读了您的大作，有一种大气之美，宏伟壮观，很欣赏！请多指教！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

王君明
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 06:28:03 Post subject:

人生路坎坷，苦里觅甘甜。年幼时时乐，求学夜夜寒。北国雪漫舞，南海雨连绵。烦恼随它去，溟溟自有缘！指教不敢，然讨论则可。叠词全诗皆有者，如汉无名氏作古诗十九首，多为叠词造境，故可知亦为诗之道也，非定理定法。观改后大作，性情所至，诗意浓郁，此为可贵者。押韵平仄，尚可再微调。平水韵，譬若国粹京剧，试想若以普通话唱京剧，还是京剧吗？因此，白云闲人兄之建议习古韵，窃以为乃取径之正道也。问候！ _________________ 虚拟网络　真实生活

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2009-02-10 08:16:47 Post subject:

lulu wrote:

给各位诗友问好，请指教！
五律静思
人生路坎坷，苦里觅甘甜。
年幼时时乐，求学夜夜寒。
北国雪漫舞，南海雨连绵。
烦恼随它去，溟溟自有缘！
...

wenshan wrote:

奉和lulu 《五律-静思》。尚请指正。
甘苦人生路，乾坤日月迁。
闲看云作雨，冷对海成田。
南国椰摇影，枫邦雪落绵。
诗书寻逸趣，淡泊乐随缘。
...

思绪飞飞，不能自已！

前者具象生动；后者旷阔豁达。好诗好和。

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2009-02-14 09:02:49 Post subject:

唱和俱佳。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-02-14 09:09:27 Post subject:

欣赏

连南河
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Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection

Posted: 2009-02-15 04:26:35 Post subject:

诗书寻逸趣淡泊乐随缘 _________________ 一路雨丝一路风

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