Maple Review :: View topic - 七绝觅桃源

	Chinese Literature Society of North America \| Maple Review \| Immigrants in Canada \| Angel Studio \| The Driftwood Artist Society \| Ocean of Poetry \| Island of Music "HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
	FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Sign in Blogs Weblogs News Album



Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七绝觅桃源

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-01-30 06:04:53 Post subject: 七绝觅桃源

给各位诗友问好，请指教！七绝觅桃源文/ lulu 长风送我度关山，赏月吟诗歌伴眠。袅袅笛音萦入梦，白云深处觅桃源！这首诗里包含了一位诗友的名字，诸位能猜出是谁吗？ _________________ 荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

游向高原的鱼
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection

Posted: 2009-01-30 06:13:27 Post subject:

拜读。诗歌的风格多种多样。别人的批评只是反映别人的诗歌观点。就我的观点，以为诗中有画为佳。 _________________ 人生乃是一面镜子，在其中认识自己。

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-01-30 07:16:40 Post subject:

游向高原的鱼 wrote:

拜读。
...

谢赏读！给诗友问好，您的观点很好，还望多提宝贵意见！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2009-01-30 13:37:51 Post subject:

lulu这首诗总体不错。但有推敲的地方。首句“岁月渡关山”在意思上有点难理解。唐诗有“长风几万里，吹度玉门关”，是长风吹度玉门关。所以可再斟酌。供参考。

晓松
举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection

Posted: 2009-01-30 15:17:13 Post subject:

lulu wrote:

给各位诗友问好，请指教！

七绝觅桃源

悠悠岁月渡关山，赏月吟诗歌伴眠。
袅袅笛音牵我梦，白云深处觅桃源！

这首诗里包含了一位诗友的名字，诸位能猜出是谁吗？

问好lulu。这位诗友的名字应该是“白云闲人”，对吧？他的底款有“诗中岁月, 笛里关山”的字样。

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-01-30 23:22:52 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

lulu这首诗总体不错。但有推敲的地方。首句“岁月渡关山”在意思上有点难理解。唐诗有“长风几万里，吹度玉门关”，是长风吹度玉门关。所以可再斟酌。供参考。

谢庆宏老师赏读指点！您说的很有道理，lulu学习了！
现把这首诗略作修改，不知师满意否？请赐教！

七绝觅桃源

长风送我度关山，赏月吟诗歌伴眠。
袅袅笛音萦入梦，白云深处觅桃源。
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-01-30 23:38:22 Post subject:

晓松 wrote:

lulu wrote:

问好lulu。这位诗友的名字应该是“白云闲人”，对吧？他的底款有“诗中岁月, 笛里关山”的字样。

知我者，晓松也！lulu给晓松GG问好！还请您多多赐教！
您猜的一点也不错，正是白云闲人。
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2009-01-31 03:59:37 Post subject:

改后意境提高了。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-01-31 07:15:14 Post subject:

袅袅笛音萦入梦，白云深处觅桃源欣赏此境

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2009-01-31 07:42:52 Post subject:

谢谢lulu! 景妙意真! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-01 08:47:02 Post subject:

多谢庆宏老师指点！多谢白云老师雅评！ _________________ 荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-01 08:57:40 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

袅袅笛音萦入梦，白云深处觅桃源

欣赏此境

多谢白水 Moonlight赏读！请多指教！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

Display posts from previous:

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

Page 1 of 1 View previous topic View next topic

Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME