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戚氏——寒夜寄怀
梅奈何
童生


Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 75
Location: 天津
梅奈何Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-20 16:29:08    Post subject: 戚氏——寒夜寄怀 Reply with quote

戚氏——寒夜寄怀

文/梅奈何

北风蛮,三更依旧啸窗栏。

月下街灯,乱飞怒雪兆天寒。

孤单,念红颜,

当年一去竟无还。

春秋几度沦落,未忘卿海誓山言。

寂寥枕畔,柔香似幻,

黛眉时对妆奁。

这凡尘竞逐,痴情梁祝,

蛊惑轩辕。 



曾挽手磨山巅,

东湖倒影,喜鹊唤游船。

流连久,珞珈山前,梅雨缠绵。

桂丛边,抵首望月,摘花入鬓,

更衬娇憨。

率真烂漫,处子清纯,

只道天外垂怜。 



怎料昙花好,良宵却短,

再现无缘。

恨那凌霄帝母,

把嫦娥禁锢困广寒。

凄凉五载相思,寄情弃犬,

宠爱随相伴。

夜夜愁,痴对留香绢;

时梦蝶,浑泪涟涟;

望斗移,空冷尘烟;

叹无奈,玉影逝蓬峦。

启明星闪,东方晨露,

又个熬煎。
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梅骨傲严寒,风霜奈我何
http://mnhtt.blog.sohu.com/
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戴玨
秀才


Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-22 22:12:59    Post subject: Re: 戚氏——寒夜寄怀 Reply with quote

梅奈何 wrote:
。。。桂丛边,抵首望月,摘花入鬓,

更衬娇憨。。。。

好情調。
梅奈何 wrote:
。。。


怎料昙花好,良宵却短,

再现无缘。

恨那凌霄帝母,

把嫦娥禁锢困广寒。

。。。

伊人沒自由了?
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梅奈何
童生


Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 75
Location: 天津
梅奈何Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-01 00:13:45    Post subject: Re: 戚氏——寒夜寄怀 Reply with quote

戴玨 wrote:
梅奈何 wrote:
。。。桂丛边,抵首望月,摘花入鬓,

更衬娇憨。。。。

好情調。
梅奈何 wrote:
。。。


怎料昙花好,良宵却短,

再现无缘。

恨那凌霄帝母,

把嫦娥禁锢困广寒。

。。。

伊人沒自由了?

问好朋友!
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梅骨傲严寒,风霜奈我何
http://mnhtt.blog.sohu.com/
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暗香如沁
秀才


Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-04 11:35:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

长调难填,因为难以把握其中的节奏感。
此诗的立意不错,也看出作者很是费了一番心思。
只是填的时候被局限了,很多地方觉得凑韵,比如:未忘卿海誓山言——在一般的情况下,都作盟约而言。
问好妹妹。欢迎多光临古韵。
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梅奈何
童生


Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 75
Location: 天津
梅奈何Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-04 17:00:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

暗香如沁 wrote:
长调难填,因为难以把握其中的节奏感。
此诗的立意不错,也看出作者很是费了一番心思。
只是填的时候被局限了,很多地方觉得凑韵,比如:未忘卿海誓山言——在一般的情况下,都作盟约而言。
问好妹妹。欢迎多光临古韵。

Question 咋成妹妹啦?
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梅骨傲严寒,风霜奈我何
http://mnhtt.blog.sohu.com/
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