Maple Review :: View topic - 走进新年请老师指点

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

走进新年请老师指点

xm
童生

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 5

xmCollection

Posted: 2009-01-25 21:06:31 Post subject: 走进新年请老师指点

走进新年拂去岁月的尘埃捉一把清风洗面把身心沐浴洗鲜跨进全新的一年把新年放入心里把心音谱成希望的音符如珍珠般串成美丽的诗行将人生翻开新的诗篇 ……

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2009-01-25 21:16:11 Post subject:

很流畅但缺乏些新意每一首诗歌,需要一两处出彩的地方,或者说是诗歌的眼睛吧,才能亮起来 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

xm
童生

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 5

xmCollection

Posted: 2009-01-25 21:30:41 Post subject:

谢谢老师指点!老师过年好!

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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