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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

岁月追捕

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2009-01-08 05:47:08 Post subject: 岁月追捕

纵有八十三变纵能入化出神逃不脱岁月追捕避不开造化弄人  四月美丽的芳菲风雨中零落成尘漫野自傲的五谷转眼被冬魔鲸吞  匿藏春之花蕊避在夏的桑椹躲进澹澹秋水钻入白雪树根  终被捉拿归案爆竹叱咤声声挣扎无济于事囚进树的年轮  冰凌仗剑列阵桃符持戟守门三千丈白发飞扬我度过囹圄一生  08年12月于钓月小筑 _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2009-01-09 19:37:46 Post subject:

意象都不错，就是感觉句式太整齐，影响了诗意发挥~

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2009-01-22 01:59:40 Post subject:

美丽的明月成了女神了！致新年问候！ _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

暗浮烟
童生

Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Posts: 24

暗浮烟Collection

Posted: 2009-01-23 02:23:44 Post subject:

如果“岁月”追来，我宁愿对其投怀送抱。岁月追来不是好事吗？如果岁月离你而去，那你也就淹淹一息了。所以，立意不好！

钓月
秀才

Joined: 12 Apr 2008
Posts: 409
Location: 中国江苏
钓月Collection

Posted: 2009-01-24 21:58:54 Post subject:

心境不同，自然诗向不同！问好光临！祝新年快乐！ _________________ 欲钓那只太阳,却钓了一轮月亮 http://www.hongxiu.com/my.asp?id=1310875 http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanqirong

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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