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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

怒放

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韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2009-01-12 02:37:39 Post subject: 怒放

怒放一让我更长久地注视那火山注视你的心脏让我搂着你的腰肢让蛇缠绕我身在我们俩人的梦里把阳光的一面留给你让冰晶和沙砾袭击让我风来遮风雨来挡雨不做我的情人是淑女做我的情人是荡妇让我更长久地注视那火山注视你的眸子让旁观者把最下流的语言变成我们最真挚的情话色情是我们自己的暴力也是我们自己的让我们光滑的肌肤由于排除和给予而愈加纯净二星光下满天的星星会砸死我的月亮也会刮伤你洁白的皮肤你说你处死我吧刽子手我享受你的虐待享受你给我的那些痛苦星光下我们住进森林的别墅住进薄雾的套间你说我是你的小母狼狐狸精携带着峡谷和山沟去迎接喷发的落日然后去倾听那黑夜里的一声声嚎叫 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2009-01-12 04:23:39 Post subject:

有自己的特色~

骨笛
秀才

Joined: 03 Jan 2009
Posts: 547

骨笛Collection

Posted: 2009-01-12 06:19:29 Post subject:

和风吹柳绿细雨点花红 _________________ 我把天空装在我家里，鸟儿天空中飞来飞去

文立冰
童生

Joined: 27 Dec 2008
Posts: 71

文立冰Collection

Posted: 2009-01-15 03:43:52 Post subject:

提赏问好！

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2009-01-15 04:31:28 Post subject:

中间高温题目可以更酷些，结尾两句稍显突兀。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-01-15 19:20:28 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

中间高温

题目可以更酷些，结尾两句稍显突兀。

同感. 小尾巴似可蜕化 Wink

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2009-01-19 14:44:19 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

nobody wrote:

中间高温

题目可以更酷些，结尾两句稍显突兀。

同感. 小尾巴似可蜕化 Wink

谢楼上各位！已经改动添加！
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2009-01-19 18:00:07 Post subject:

学习你的精益求精.

姜慕水
秀才

Joined: 20 Jan 2009
Posts: 104

姜慕水Collection

Posted: 2009-01-20 22:36:37 Post subject:

有特点的诗，我以为少君兄比较擅长抒情。握手，春节快乐！

cyansharp
童生

Joined: 26 May 2008
Posts: 61

cyansharpCollection

Posted: 2009-01-20 22:42:42 Post subject:

独具风格，欣赏！远握少君。

晴宝儿
秀才

Joined: 03 Jun 2008
Posts: 666

晴宝儿Collection

Posted: 2009-01-21 01:33:31 Post subject:

热烈，诗情奔涌，喜欢！ _________________ 晴宝儿

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2009-01-21 06:31:59 Post subject:

想起汪峰的<怒放的生命> 不同的味道~~~ _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

暗浮烟
童生

Joined: 12 Jan 2009
Posts: 24

暗浮烟Collection

Posted: 2009-01-23 02:20:33 Post subject:

诗写的还算可以。题目太一般了。《怒放的生命》，很俗。改成《怒放》或者《生命》等，让它简练点不好吗？

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2009-01-23 15:45:50 Post subject:

谢楼上各位。我想，暗浮烟说得有点道理。改一下。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

陈陈
童生

Joined: 23 Jan 2009
Posts: 46

陈陈Collection

Posted: 2009-01-23 18:54:21 Post subject: 头一次，在这练习打字，多包涵。

这里已经有了孩子放过鞭炮的浮烟，过年的味道。祝愿朋友合家欢乐！

遛达的七七
秀才

Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection

Posted: 2009-01-23 19:46:09 Post subject:

祝风流鬼新年快乐 ^_^

刘浪
秀才

Joined: 04 Dec 2008
Posts: 227

刘浪Collection

Posted: 2009-01-23 20:14:07 Post subject:

问好韩先生！新年吉祥！ _________________ 是金子也会花光地

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2009-01-24 01:08:39 Post subject:

七小姐 wrote:

祝风流鬼新年快乐 ^_^

谢谢七小姐。特翻出旧作贴上，以证明你的判断名副其实：

<<七小姐>>

你是老爷用一块玉换来的念想
你是太太用一拄香请来的
宿愿

不不
你是少爷我用无所事事
梦来的名字

七小姐
你让我从此
不会做
任何事了

不不
七小姐
你让我看到每一个成年的女子
都产生爱意
或怜惜

或与才气与美色有关的
猜测

（当时只知其名未见其相，后来游历了佳人博客----哇----果不其然)
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2009-01-24 01:11:06 Post subject:

刘浪 wrote:

问好韩先生！新年吉祥！

问候刘浪！吉祥如意！
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

回到拉萨
秀才

Joined: 07 Feb 2008
Posts: 131

回到拉萨Collection

Posted: 2009-01-24 01:55:51 Post subject:

问好少君老师，过年好。 _________________ 点击进入回到拉萨的火车

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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