| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-06 18:56:18    Post subject: 《海阔天空》 |   |  
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				| 《海阔天空》 
 ·迪拜·
 
 
 是谁,将笑对明日海阔天空
 
 有柔弱者踯躅前行
 
 而你上前紧紧搀扶
 
 
 
 你啊——
 
 是你,叫大地更为辽阔
 
 未来,就在今天奠基
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		| 山城子 榜眼
 
 
 Joined: 23 May 2007
 Posts: 4771
 Location: 中国贵州
 山城子Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-08 17:07:25    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 嘿-山山岭岭,就是辽阔的年华 而望不到边的大海,则是人类共同的家!
 
 ——问好迪拜,遥祝冬安!!
 _________________
 诗是人生的雅伴儿。
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		| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-08 20:18:57    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 谢谢老师! |  | 
	
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		| 博弈 榜眼
 
 
 Joined: 21 Dec 2006
 Posts: 4381
 Location: SFO
 博弈Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-09 09:48:57    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 而未来,就在今天奠基 _________________
 (在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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		| 白水 大学士
 
  
 Joined: 02 Oct 2006
 Posts: 14102
 Location: TORONTO
 白水Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-09 11:03:12    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 而未来,就在今天奠基 
 理性的诗句
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		| 上城 进士出身
 
  
 Joined: 15 Mar 2007
 Posts: 2024
 Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
 上城Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-14 05:53:50    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 问好迪拜先生,许久不见了。 
 
 此首诗非常棒。
 _________________
 每个诗人都很重要
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		| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-14 23:56:56    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 谢谢博弈! 
 谢谢白水!
 
 谢谢上城!
 
 又做了一点改动。
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		| 晴宝儿 秀才
 
  
 Joined: 03 Jun 2008
 Posts: 666
 
 晴宝儿Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-15 04:44:07    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 而你上前紧紧搀扶 
 那燃烧的,是血
 
 大气,豪壮,问好迪拜。
 _________________
 晴宝儿
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		| 胡礼忠 童生
 
  
 Joined: 14 Nov 2010
 Posts: 90
 Location: 中国
 胡礼忠Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-15 05:29:24    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 精悍诗美、拜读了! _________________
 真诚结交诗友、文友;访良师益友于江湖五岳,其乐融融、止心若此!来而不往非礼也!
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		| 非马 秀才
 
 
 Joined: 22 Jun 2006
 Posts: 907
 Location: 芝加哥
 非马Collection
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		| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-16 01:47:45    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 谢谢晴宝儿! 
 谢谢胡礼忠!
 
 谢谢非马先生!
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		| 上城 进士出身
 
  
 Joined: 15 Mar 2007
 Posts: 2024
 Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
 上城Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-16 06:01:38    Post subject: |   |  
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	  | 迪拜 wrote: |  
	  | 谢谢博弈! 
 谢谢白水!
 
 谢谢上城!
 
 又做了一点改动。
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 我觉得改过后,失了节奏。最后一句也没有必要说出来。
 _________________
 每个诗人都很重要
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		| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-17 01:03:29    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 谢谢上城。 
 自己也有同样感觉,连续高昂之后,猛的平了下来,似乎多余。
 
 改回,再看看。
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		| 菩虔 童生
 
 
 Joined: 19 Nov 2010
 Posts: 12
 
 菩虔Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-19 18:27:12    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 是谁,将笑对明日海阔天空 
 有柔弱者踯躅前行
 
 而你上前紧紧搀扶
 _________________
 禅心诗润,觅尽好诗、参悟人性之大美
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		| hepingdao Site Admin
 
  
 Joined: 25 May 2006
 Posts: 8106
 
 hepingdaoCollection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-19 18:45:29    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 你啊,是你叫大地更为辽阔 
 多好,问好
 _________________
 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!
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		| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-21 00:34:39    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 谢谢菩虔! 
 谢谢和平岛先生!
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		| 陈若祥 秀才
 
  
 Joined: 12 Feb 2007
 Posts: 470
 Location: 中国*安徽
 陈若祥Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-21 00:58:43    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 呵呵!问好迪拜兄! 读后余味犹存,意犹未尽,长些不更好吗?
 _________________
 ¤当树的叶子再次泛绿,繁华
 ¤我们欣赏着一部与你我无关的电影
 ¤看着春天悄悄地走来
 ¤看着春天延伸在我们的脚下
 ◆安徽凤鸣诗社◆http://blog.sina.com.cn/fmshishe
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		| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-23 19:58:55    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 谢谢若祥! 
 好久不见。
 
 
 这首只能短,
 
 长了,就没有力度了。
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		| 迪拜 同进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 31 Oct 2006
 Posts: 1588
 
 迪拜Collection
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				|  Posted: 2010-11-26 17:42:02    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 再改,加强了点语气。 |  | 
	
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		| 杨海军 进士出身
 
 
 Joined: 01 Mar 2007
 Posts: 2205
 Location: 吉林
 杨海军Collection
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