试译CUT-THROAT < 血喉鳟>, 请朋友们商榷

[白水]

CUT-THROAT

By Patrick Lane

A creek, brown water thick with spring run-off, and the trout
in the riffles come up out of the deep waters to feed. Cut-throat,

that red comma of blood, and the curl of thin water,

the elemental body, eating the eggs and larvae of insects

swept down from the banks high in the hills behind him.

When he was young he had read of a golden ring

found in the belly of a fish and standing there, so many years

later, remembering how he had thrown his wedding ring

into the same lake, he thought...what? That happiness eludes us

when we apprehend it, that the fallen world is the peculiar dialect

of the heart, that a ring flung out upon the waters will return

wearing the blood of angels in a choir of water? The story

is the old story and the young, knowing it for the first time,

are made alive by its telling. He had fished there once, long before,

with his young wife and their first child. He had turned only once

and saw her pick up the baby and walk away into the willows,

her body and the body of his child going away from him into the shade.

It is how the high waters talk to us in spring, how we cast out

with every hope imaginable, catching nothing, and casting again,

the line falling upon the waters and everything below the surface

sinking deeper, a silence waiting beyond the riffles of the creek

where it meets the lake, the good food come down from the hills.

血喉鳟(覱定)

诗/Patrick Lane 译/白水

一条小溪, 春天的融雪汇入褐色的泥浆. 鳟鱼
从深水游到浅流觅食. 血喉,
那些殷红的血点, 和浅浅的旋涡
原始的躯体, 吞噬着从他身后的山岗上
冲刷下来的虫卵和幼虫
年轻时他曾读过金戒指
在一条鱼腹中发现于是站在那儿, 这么多年
之后, 他还记得怎样把他的婚戒
抛入同一个湖泊,他想...什么? 幸福让我们困惑
当我们感悟它, 堕落的世界是内心的
独白, 抛向水面的戒指将沾满天使的血
在水的奏鸣中回返? 这故事
一个古老的故事, 当人们还是孩子
就被传神地讲述着.在这儿他钓过一次鱼, 很久以前
和年轻的妻还有他们第一个孩子. 仅一次转身
他看见她抱起贝贝, 走远, 隐入柳林
她的身体还有她的孩子远远地离开他投进荫影
这就是春潮传递的讯息, 我们如何满怀遐想地
把鱼线甩出去,空空的拉回来,又甩出去,
鱼线打着水面,和水面下所有的东西
沉的更深,一种沉默的等待在小溪的尽头,
汇入湖泊, 美味的食物从山坡滑落

[kokho]

Should ask Lake to review....

..
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[白水]

[白水]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/olduvaigeorge/293998126/in/photostream/
谢谢他乡客发来的图,谁知道这鱼的中文名吗?

[Lake]

Kokho 净捡着容易的说。

看白水这么诚恳，这么有勇气，大家该出手就出手吧。

谢谢他乡客的图，在网上查到一点信息，如下：

Yellowstone is famous for its beautiful Cutthroat Trout. They got the name cutthroat because of the bright red slash under their mouths.
黄石国家公园因其美丽的“切喉”鳟鱼（Cutthroat Trout）久负盛名。这种鱼因其嘴巴底下明亮鲜红的裂缝而得名。


_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[Lake]

翻译真是很花时间的事。

我对原文的理解有点看法，不一定正确，仅供参考。

[kokho]

湖水　厉害

我引颈就刎　。。。



。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[kokho]

请湖水吃西瓜　。。





。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[他乡客]

[白水]

哈, 刚回家就发现这么多好东东, 又有西瓜, 还杀鱼宰鹅的.我等吃现成的.
非常感谢朋友们送我的鱼和有关资料. 包括KOK的懒. 最近我欠朋友们太多, 而且我知道这份友情我是没有能力偿还的, 只有再次说声谢谢.


LAKE, 他乡客, 谢谢你们的商榷. 请看下帖, 盼继续探讨.

[白水]

[Lake]

[Lake]

谢谢白水花时间听我乱弹。

[戴玨]

[博弈]

几代高手持鞘论剑，一切都在意念中进行，把伤势风干下酒，看得我心猿意马，胡说八道，不亦快哉，反倒觉得便宜了鱼。近来忙甚，只能羡慕诸君雅致了。就这样已形成一个气候了，看了过瘾。
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

[白水]

谢谢各位朋友，　昨天想参考你们的意见再改改，　楞没找到灵感．　等心静一静，沉淀一下再试试．再次感谢，　问好周末　

[kokho]

.

精彩的讨论。。。　我出差回来，
看到各位雅兴　支持！！！





_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[Lake]

[kokho]

Ｌａｋｅ　好偏心，只吃鱼，不吃西瓜。。。



。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[Lake]