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Maple Review Home -> 和平岛

既然朋友们喜欢《渡轮》，再发第36节草稿

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-15 10:03:34 Post subject: 既然朋友们喜欢《渡轮》，再发第36节草稿

既然朋友们喜欢《渡轮》，再发第36节草稿和平岛 36．亘古如一的破晓来自于一鼎铜钟赤诚斑斓的内心推开山寺迷雾瞳瞳的一扇扇重门远山鬼魅般的树影忽然调和了天涯芳草和海角礁岩所对峙的焦距一切都起始于一场不期而至的仪式天地冥冥之间的所有序列都按韵律的节气安排一声刀斧如军令而下混浊的喉音下沉，轻快的灵魂上扬千古孤单的音节攀附着雄鹰强劲的翅膀在黛云的眉端盘旋天马的白羽在黑子的血光里自焚如此偶然而又悲烈的再一次升华啊我仿佛感觉到蛟龙的战甲从我背负的青天一片片脱落恰似飞船折损的戟干刺破的曙色青光在擦过冰川的钢刀表面聚拢你轻纱曼舞的五大湖光你杨柳细腰的四海山色连垂垂于苍天水波间的矜持倒影都在向你参拜连整座太阳系都要向你炙热的目光倾斜，在石英晶体闪光的内核停留一瞬间的脚尖，一瞬间的钻心的世纪之痛 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2006-10-15 14:21:30 Post subject:

激情, 大气. 继续等小问题, 这首诗为何看不到顶? 或许是太高了

赵福治
探花

Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection

Posted: 2006-10-15 19:11:53 Post subject:

意境悠远，铺展有致，大气中蕴细腻，欣赏。

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-10-16 05:52:26 Post subject:

停留一瞬间的脚尖，一瞬间的钻心的世纪之痛气势飞动，意象惊艳，宏大的场景，学习。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

维鹿延
秀才

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection

Posted: 2006-10-16 06:31:02 Post subject:

风格硬朗，与清新、轻婉不一样哦。楼主越来越有自己的思考了。 _________________ 散步者身体里面的声音

孙慧峰
童生

Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 97

孙慧峰Collection

Posted: 2006-10-18 02:56:54 Post subject:

以"气"驭句,气畅则句有神,这样的写作有神性,但是片断不能显出真正的高拔.。期待全诗的通读~

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-04-20 19:16:05 Post subject:

学习 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

远方有佳人
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 102

远方有佳人Collection

Posted: 2007-04-20 23:43:10 Post subject: 学习

学习

了因大兄
秀才

Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection

Posted: 2007-04-21 04:47:14 Post subject:

学习. _________________ 我不是树上的黑木耳，我被爱过不能随随便便不回家 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1236932795

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2007-04-21 08:53:00 Post subject: 雄浑大气!学习了!!

学习了!

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2007-04-21 10:16:15 Post subject:

这节诗写得轻歌曼舞,从容不迫,欣赏这种挥洒, 但是一首诗写到36节如都能保持这种品格,那境界可不小啊单从这一节诗我看不出全诗还会有什么内容,想象不出有何更惊喜会是一个美丽的故事,可休矣 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-04-21 18:21:30 Post subject:

我还是喜欢岛主写的清婉的小诗,主题太深了,还读不懂~

晓松
举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection

Posted: 2007-04-22 17:56:17 Post subject:

渴望看到36节前、后各节。等——

kino
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Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-22 18:20:15 Post subject:

学习了，这种气魄，仰止！

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-23 04:03:59 Post subject:

气韵一贯，哈哈，祝贺了。不过。大中有小、百转千回更好。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-04-23 16:51:22 Post subject:

晓松 wrote:

渴望看到36节前、后各节。等——

晓松, 帮你链一个吧,这里好多呢. Wink

http://oson.ca/viewforum.php?f=52

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-04-23 22:20:10 Post subject:

气势恢宏！语言有力，字字珠玑，落地铿锵！好诗，学习了！！！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-04-24 07:54:00 Post subject:

从前面几节莲花的飘逸到此历史的沉重. <轮渡>是长篇之作. 期待下篇.问好. _________________ 隔海抒情

舒中
秀才

Joined: 11 Feb 2007
Posts: 133

舒中Collection

Posted: 2007-04-25 07:18:06 Post subject:

拜读,学习!

晓松
举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection

Posted: 2007-04-25 20:10:20 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

晓松 wrote:

渴望看到36节前、后各节。等——

晓松, 帮你链一个吧,这里好多呢. Wink

http://oson.ca/viewforum.php?f=52

又看到几节，谢谢白水！

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Maple Review Home -> 和平岛

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