Brick Kiln Blues With Music (edited) 加上了新音乐，请提意见

[Lake]

Brick Kiln Blues
--- Child Slaves


It’s June, the sun shines, the sky is blue
Yet deep in the mountains, nothing sifts through
There’s no sunlight here, my child, there’s no sunlight here

On the road side by the train station
A stranger lured you with temptation
He’s gonna sell you, my child, he’s gonna sell you

The moon’s still up, the cock hasn't crowed
You are beaten ‘cause you’re tired and slow
But you work fifteen hours a day, my child, you work fifteen hours a day

In the river there swims a buffalo
For years, your skin diseased, eyes shallow
They won’t let you bathe, my child, they won’t let you bathe

The bricks you’ve baked a year
Made the owner a millionaire
Who pays you not a penny, my child, who pays you not a penny

Grass withers in winter, anew in spring
Everyday’s the same to you with a bell-ring
You can't go home, my child, you can't go home

Run in the forest, soaked in night dew
Guards and dogs are lookin’ for you
If caught, you’re dead, my child, if caught, you’re dead

“Why don’t you ask for help?” some say
"Officials should send the evil-minded to jail."
But they sing the same tune, my child, they sing the same tune

.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[William Zhou周道模]

赞赏 Lake: 1、语言、诗句不复杂，一读就懂，适合这个题材；
2、有人物、情节，吸引读者的阅读兴趣；
3、诗人的同情化入咏叹的诗行和语调中了，易感人；
4、对人性中丑恶的揭露和对社会阴暗面的批判是“愤”而不“怒”， 把诗歌和同题新闻拉开了距离。
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[kokho]

the cock’s not to crow 　？

。。
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[Lake]

William, 你是语文老师吧，像是写评语似的。 开玩笑。

读起来是简单了，而且每段的第三行有些还不够力量。
不过确实是想用一种 poignant 语调语气， 很高兴，你也感受到了。

谢谢赞赏。
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[Lake]

[kokho]

country song

..
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[Lake]

[William Zhou周道模]

答复 Lake : 我早期是学语文的，后来又学英语，最主要的是我从诗歌的语感语气中去理解诗人的立意。
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[Lake]

“the cock’s not to crow“

嗯，听起来不顺 ？ 我本来是写成这样的：

the cock has not crowed

How about that?
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[Lake]

[Lake]

作了点改动。

It's not a country song, but a blue song.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[Lake]

I posted it on an English Forum and then an Aussie friend came up and offered to have a go putting some music to it. Now here it is. See how you like it.

Brick Kiln Blues

It’s June, the sun shines, the sky is blue
Yet deep in the mountains, nothing sifts through
There’s no sunlight here, my child, there’s no sunlight here

On the road side by the railway station
A stranger lured you with temptation
He’s gonna sell you, my child, he’s gonna sell you

The moon’s still up, the cock hasn't crowed
You're being whipped ‘cause you’re tired and slow
But you work fifteen hours a day, my child, fifteen hours a day

In the river there swims a buffalo
Your skin diseased, your eyes shallow
They won’t let you bathe, my child, they won’t let you bathe

Those bricks you’ve baked for over a year
They made the owner a millionaire
He pays you not a penny, my child, you work for no pay

Grass withers in winter, renews in the spring
It's the same every day, you hear the bell ring
But you cannot go home, my child, you cannot go home

Run in the forest, soaked in night dew
Guard dogs baying are lookin’ for you
If you're caught, you’re dead, my child, if they catch you, you’re dead

"Ask the authorities for help?” some say
"They should put these evil men in jail."
But they sing the same tune, my child, they sing the same tune


My deepest gratitude to Dave!
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[kokho]

good work...

I wrote something on this also long long time ago.

Let me see whether I could find them ...

..
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[Lake]

请欣赏并提意见。谢谢！
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[William Zhou周道模]

第一次看见歌词我就感觉到是咏叹调，现在音乐出来了，果然如此。听了，欣赏了，就像这十来天阴雨愁云般的忧伤。顺回：教了20年的高中英语，现主要是读书、旅游、上网、写作、翻译、喝酒。是自由的宠儿，是时间的富翁；是文学的恋人，是翻译的学徒！
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模