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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

<极光>

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-09-26 17:12:37 Post subject: <极光>

<极光> 每一个轮回的太阳我只能凝视它两次余下的,那眩目的闪耀啊我奋力仰望，却流着眼泪

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-09-26 18:41:34 Post subject:

每一个轮回的太阳我只能安静地看它两次多余的,那眩目的闪耀啊我用窗帘把它悄悄地遮盖问好迪拜诗人！！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2007-09-26 18:49:11 Post subject:

余韵不绝～～ _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-09-27 01:27:11 Post subject:

有回味~问好!

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2007-09-27 22:50:54 Post subject:

来读。后两句似乎不是最佳结局。问好 _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-09-28 16:55:24 Post subject:

谢谢司马先生的点评.

桔子
秀才

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 214

桔子Collection

Posted: 2007-09-30 14:41:40 Post subject:

有余韵, 早晨好

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-09-30 19:51:26 Post subject:

问好迪拜！又出国了。极光的舞蹈多美啊，还未写够。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

下一个偶像是野兽
秀才

Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection

Posted: 2007-09-30 19:57:38 Post subject:

欣赏。问好。 _________________ 我的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-09-30 20:51:45 Post subject:

每一个轮回的太阳我只能安静地看它两次多余的,那眩目的闪耀啊我用窗帘把它悄悄地遮盖作为短诗, 字还可敛

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-10-01 11:49:55 Post subject:

。拜读。。。。。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-10-01 20:33:31 Post subject:

进行了修改不知道，效果怎样

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-10-02 21:40:23 Post subject:

第二次修改后仍然无法满意再次进行修改自己感觉好一点

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-10-02 22:18:05 Post subject:

<日全食> 每一个轮回的太阳我最多注视它两次余下的,那眩目的光耀啊我用窗帘悄悄遮盖不好意思，帮你改了下，个见！你自己斟酌下～

刘雨萍
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 226
Location: Houston, TX. U.S.A
刘雨萍Collection

Posted: 2007-10-03 12:07:54 Post subject:

学习你精益求精的态度. 问好 _________________ 隔海抒情

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-10-03 16:00:13 Post subject:

《极光》的面条又闪成了《日全食》饼饼了啥？ _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-10-03 19:46:48 Post subject:

又改了唉，伤脑筋。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-10-03 19:54:03 Post subject:

极光 __读迪拜诗后感我从不正视太阳那眩目的让我躲进一帘幽梦这是我准备归于<致你>那一组诗歌的.

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-10-03 21:41:01 Post subject:

用眼皮遮盖吧~~~呵呵问好各位

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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