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白水
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PostPosted: 2012-10-04 03:31:20    Post subject: 诵经堂 Reply with quote

诵经堂
--无关宗教的冥想

(一)
切肤之痛并不可怕
可怕的是灵与肉的剥离,剥离之后的麻木
不仁
匍匐不起的皮囊
魂出七窍
那颗昨天还活蹦乱跳的心脏
如今供奉於香案, 宛若一朵日渐枯萎的鲜花
令人不忍侧目

(二)
高香袅袅,木鱼声声
几盏忽明忽暗的烛火忽悠悠晃动
诵经,诵经。倒背如流
如泣如诉

正襟危坐的泥人
目光冷漠
面对虔诚的跪拜,无动于衷

(三)
晨钟击碎暮鼓
认知,在一个又一个烟圈里升华
或者沉沦

你不再流泪
烟熏火燎的眼睛,血红布满
干涩
你不再黑白分明
蝼蚁蛇鼠,万物, 生灵
存在,就有它存在的理由
宇宙原本混沌

(四)
往昔沉重的步伐
瞬间竟变得如此轻松
轻松地
跨出这根木栏,便清晰地听到
身后滑动的门闩

不要转身,也不要问询:
谁?锁在昏暗
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2012-10-04 04:30:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

诵经是一种自我调整
口中念念有词,意思已经不再重要的
魂出七窍是最好的境界
Very Happy
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白水
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PostPosted: 2012-10-04 05:30:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
诵经是一种自我调整
口中念念有词,意思已经不再重要的
魂出七窍是最好的境界
...


有一定道理。我只是疑惑,有些人如若真的魂出七窍, 不为那身承载名利的皮囊,还会诵经吗 Confused
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2012-10-04 05:55:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

和尚念经与敲钟一样的心不在焉
诵经只求个心安
谁如果真以为诵经能求名利,恐怕是很不开窍的了
Very Happy
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白水
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PostPosted: 2012-10-04 11:12:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
和尚念经与敲钟一样的心不在焉
诵经只求个心安
谁如果真以为诵经能求名利,恐怕是很不开窍的了
Very Happy


Very Happy看你也不像个会跪拜的人。可话说回来, 都像你这么开窍那香火还能旺吗?就是因为有了太多的不开窍的主儿,自古以来才有了太多的愚昧无知,利令智昏。
其实,人无所欲,自会无所求。才得以活得坦然潇洒,膝盖也免了生痛。
am i right? Wink
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冰清
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PostPosted: 2012-10-04 23:36:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水,这构思好。从诵经堂种种生动可感的意象来展现人们灵魂深处丰富、复杂的内心活动,形象,有意蕴!
别看诗不长,可跳跃,容与了不少思绪甚至是久久在心的困扰。耐人寻味!
转折之处,是否可再展开一点? Rolling Eyes
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白水
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 05:24:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢你的理解与鼓励.
你的意见很对,比如第三段,用一双眼睛去完成从青涩到成熟的转换就显得匆忙了些,,,,,,
非常感谢你们这些朋友客观的评论.
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 09:37:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

哈,向新的方向进发了,不错的尝试。 Very Happy
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 09:41:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

我是从局外人的眼光看过去,我是说从诗歌现场的外面接近诗歌。《诵经堂》这个标题就是路标。读者的思路马上被引导到宗教信仰上面来了。
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 09:46:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

第一节,感觉不够精细,而且下论有些武断。 
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 09:52:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

第二节写景生动、细致。“几盏忽明忽暗的烛火忽悠悠地晃动”虽是描写,埋伏的意绪却跃然纸上,但这种意绪的表达并没有给人带来作者已经进入《讲经堂》的内部的感觉,读者也没有发现该发现的东西。所以,继续往下读。。。。
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 09:58:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

“相由心生”,泥胎本无心,是作者给无心的泥胎安上了一副“目光呆滞”的面具。
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青洋
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 10:01:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

從誦經堂進而對靈與肉的探究,新的角度。
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 10:06:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

第三节很值得的讨论。首先,“你不再流泪”的“你”,因为有了“烟熏火燎的眼睛”似乎证明了是写泥胎;
“血红布满干涩”暗藏着主观的倾向。
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 10:11:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

“你不再黑白分明”-打破二元对立后上升的统一,也许就是禅的境界吧。

 
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 10:15:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

“蝼蚁蛇鼠,万物, 生灵
存在,就有它存在的理由”,借哲学的命题,来渲染对现实美好与丑陋并存的无奈,呼应后句“宇宙原本混沌”
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 10:18:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

转入第四节,“往昔沉重的步伐
瞬间竟变得如此轻松”,暗示一种宗教的解脱。但被后面的“谁?锁在昏暗”一下子全盘否定了。
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 10:45:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

宗教的高处,是信仰,宗教的低洼,是迷信。从低处仰望的,是信仰;从高处俯视的,是迷信。 Very Happy
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白水
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 11:26:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

风动,好
说实话,我很尊重宗教。前两年读书时导师曾要求我们去不同宗教团体调研,还要写调研报告。每次和他们接触,都学到不少东西,有时甚至能感受到灵魂的升华。所以说我不会随便拿宗教开涮的。包括这首,不过借喻罢了。很感谢你的讨论,有几位文友(中秋节你在我家见到的其中几个)拟一起去赏枫,明天1.30时在我家集合,不知你是否有时间同行?特希望你能去,好好聊聊诗歌,包括这首。其实,这首诗歌和那日中秋聚会有关。从你们的谈天,悟出些道理,把自己从某些混乱的思绪中解脱出来了,一高兴就写了这首诗歌。
你问“谁?锁进昏暗”是那个留在殿堂去闩门的那位,我跑了,和那天晚上一起聊天的文友们 Wink
困了,其他明日赏枫时再聊,希望你能来。

谢谢
等你新作
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风动
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PostPosted: 2012-10-05 11:54:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

这个周末有任务,不能赏枫。你们玩得愉快! Very Happy
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